Tuesday

Just trying to get a little sleep.

Your wake-up call.

Sometimes it's better not to know what is going on in a picture.

via

Kittah!

Only thing better would be the daily dog. Best part though: you can sign up for a daily email kitten. Worst part: their captcha looked like a weekend project.

The Man Who Killed NASA

(clickahugen)

The President Abroad

photos via daylife

Think About It

As interest in puppies increases, interest in crime goes down.

Difference Between Diet Coke and Coke Zero

Among other things:

It’s been believed that men are more reluctant to buy diet coke because the word ‘diet’ associated with women. Therefore, to market the product ‘Coke Zero’ been produced to associate masculinity.

Really? I always thought my masculinity remained intact if I asked for a "diet Coke in a dirty glass." Well, learn something new every day.

There are many more Difference Betweens here. Many are interesting, some are subjective. They got the difference between beer and malt liquor right, but found little difference between the John Birch Society and the Tea Party. So take their opinions with a grain of salt (or, sodium chloride, same difference)

h/t presurfer

You Otter See This

via

Have Insulin at the Ready

Only way it could be cuter is if it was a momma dog and puppy.

Know the Ryan Plan

If you're against it, you should know what you're against. And if you're for it, you need to know the particulars so you can defend it. Most of those opposed to the plan are happy with "Sarah Palin doesn't read magazines" as their reason.

And, in case you missed it, episode 1:

Funny Ad

MrPrice2U

No, You're Just a Strip of Paper

Herp Derp D'oh!

This is perfectly understandable, the camera caught the prez at just the wrong time. (or just the right time, from my point of view) So it's photoshop fodder, but what amazes me is that it is even out there at all.

In the good old days, awkward Bush photos went up immediately and spread like wildfire. But Obama seems to have gotten a pass; I'll bet there are drawers full of herp-derp-Obamas that will never see the light of day.

Could the media infatuation be fading? Hope so.





photo via

Rapture

Imagine the fun you could have at the next Rapture with a Star Trek transporter and a Scottie dog. The dog wouldn't participate in the hi-jinks, but saying "Beam me up Scottie" would never get old.

Nom Nom Nom Nom Babies!

Parts not safe for work.

I've Seen Your Flag on the Marble Arch

Planking

You read about kids getting killed or injured from "planking"?

Kids, don't risk your precious selves planking. That's what photoshop is for:




When I was a kid, we couldn't afford to go all the way horizontal. Oh sure the rich kids could, but that's cause they weren't all hunched over from carrying sacks of coal. Course it didn't matter anyway, because back in those days they didn't have cameras, or, if they did, they were made from coal and didn't take pictures anyone would want to look at.

I don't want to give the impression that we didn't have fun. We did. I spent many a day lost in play. Mainly we'd play "don't let the coal truck back over you" and "don't get trapped in the mine".

We Must Sing, We Must Sing, We Must Sing

Isn't it just the way of the world? I have to work today and somebody has scheduled a Rapture in the middle of it.

What a Surprise

Palestinian protestors hold a banner during a rally near the Israeli-manned Qalandia
checkpoint between Jerusalem and the West Bank city of Ramallah, on May 20, 2011
a day after US President Barack Obama's key policy speech in which he called for a
peace deal between Palestinians and Israel based on the 1967 lines.

What did you expect? Maybe now he can quit trying to please the memory of a Muslim father who abandoned him long ago. (though I suspect it's more likely that he will double-down on his abandonment of Israel) Hey, here's a question: When it becomes obvious that Obama can't win reelection, what are the chances that some combination of Arab states will take their last best opportunity to attack?

I Must Have Done This One Already

Back to the 67 Borders

Because the present borders are just too hard on Hezbollah rocketeers.

photo via

Feed Your Dog

She's a toy poodle, named May by SPCA staff because earlier this month she fell
out of the sky and landed in the grounds of Sechelt's Shorncliffe Nursing Home.
How she came to be flying over the Canadian nursing home is explained by the
deep talon marks in her back and sides, showing she was probably the unwilling
passenger of a hungry eagle that had picked her up but eventually found her
18 pounds too much to hold on to.

At last, vindication for my policy of dog-fattening as a defense for eagle attack.

h/t: arbroath

Sorry Granny

I modified a frame from the video posted on the Weekly Standard:

"Sorry Grandma, the money's gone."

Who Done It?

I like these, when they end well:

When Ruetten, an engineer, had come home from work at 5:55 p.m., he’d known instantly that something was wrong. The garage door was open and the silver two-door BMW he’d bought Rasmussen as an engagement gift was gone. It seemed strange that she would not be home; he knew she had called in sick to work that morning....

Actually I only like them when they end well.

h/t: miss

Hypnotizing

h/t: presurfer

Corruption

How can this surprise anyone? Obamacare made it into law by way of favors granted in order to grab the last few necessary votes. Of course exemptions will be doled out to enrich those who please our overlords:

Pelosi’s district secured almost 20 percent of the latest issuance of waivers nationwide, and the companies that won them didn’t have much in common with companies throughout the rest of the country that have received Obamacare waivers.

So our course is clear: find some way to please the Democrats, either through donations to Obama, buying his books in bulk, or offering free meals to major Democrat players. Or, we could scrap the whole ugly thing.

Hawking Sings Imagine

If you can't see a black hole, is it still there?

Stephen Hawking has made a fair living off of black holes. But he's never seen one. Nobody has seen the inside of a black hole. What they've done is describe what a black hole must be like because of how light and matter behave around it.

And before 1971, when Cygnus X-1 was discovered, it would have been short sighted to categorically state that black holes can't exist. Yet now Hawking is alleging that there is no Heaven because we can't give him the address:

In "A Brief History of Time" he suggested that the idea of a divine being was not necessarily incompatible with a scientific understanding of the Universe.

But in his 2010 book "The Grand Design" he said a deity no longer has any place in theories on the creation of the universe in the light of a series of developments in physics.

Astounding that even complex and amazing minds like Hawking's can be limited by lack of imagination.

Where's Waldo

It's like shooting fish in a barrel though. (by the way, the guy who coined that "shooting fish in a barrel" phrase obviously never actually tried to shoot fish in a barrel. I recommend a step ladder, goggles, and beach towels - enough to cover the living room)

Remember Gas Wars?

h/t: cube

Shenanigans at the NSC

This latest stunt caused many to question the wisdom of letting
Michael Moore sit in on National Security Council meetings.

Now That Blogger is Back Up

I forget what I was going to say.

Praising Evil is Evil

Headlined at Drudge, NBC:

Known for being more of a brainy poet type than a thug or a gangster, Common seemed to be amused by the dust-up Tuesday, tweeting and retweeting the various news items, such as FOX News' description of him as a "vile rapper."

He also tweeted, "So apparently Sarah Palin and Fox News doesn't like me."

Two things: first, vile doesn't have to be about bustin' caps in asses and bitch slapping; vile can also be praising murderers and encouraging hatred of the police.

And second, a single person doesn't like him, people and organizations, plural, don't like him. Poets and actors are supposed to knows that.

One Tough Queen

Ignoring possibly the only sage advice I've ever given, (that one eyebrow is all any man needs) these people blaze trails in forehead freedom.

via

Technology

The Technology President has another gutsy tool in his arsenal: emergency alerts over the phone. OK, it's not transistorized mocha latte or miniaturized unicorns, but it's a step forward, right?:

The system - called PLAN or Personal Localized Alerting Network - uses cell phone towers to send messages to everyone currently in a certain area, regardless of whether they're visiting from out of town or have a phone registered elsewhere. People won't have to register in advance to receive the alerts.

The messages, including urgent blasts from the President, information on imminent threats and Amber Alerts about missing children, will supercede all other phone traffic so they won't be stalled or delayed.

Well, maybe it's a good idea, except for the "supercede [sic] all other phone traffic" part. Assume you found the terrorist because he just drove his Ford into your coffee shop; wouldn't it be nice to be able to continue your 911 call without getting disconnected or interrupted by an urgent message that a terrorist in a Ford has been seen in your area?

Course, maybe I'm wrong. This being a government system, it's bound to work flawlessly, cost less than expected, and leave the Chinese chagrined that they didn't think of it first. Yeah, so ok, never mind.

Sorry

Just got the internet back. I'll tell you what, dealing with the gosh-darn real world isn't as easy as it sounds. I kept clicking on the microwave trying to bring up Drudge.

photo via

Lost Hippie

Man, I love this goofy Obama image. It's like the Swiss army knife of images; you can do anything with it. Thank you Mr President.

Bonus:
See? it works just anywhere you put it:



Why, I wouldn't be surprised to find you can patch a damaged radiator hose with it.

New Terror Alert Levels

John Cleese:

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE

By JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender. ” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is canceled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

He Just Wants to Play

Who doesn't love a game of fetch the stick in the park? Uncooperative statues, that's who.

via laughing squid

In the Doghouse at the Whitehouse

"You do not want to be between Michelle and a tamale."
-Barack Obama

Maybe the guy does have some guts. Or maybe it was the cervezas talking, but a remark like that probably earned him a cracked rib or two.

Actually the way I first heard this joke was: "You don't want to get between Oprah and the last slice of ham." But this way is good too.

Just Playin

Somewhere a Seal team has been given my address.

Awkward Happens

Favorite is the first one, "Please don't go yet. You have no idea what it's like when everyone's gone."

sent to me by Lumbersis ®