Still in Kidding Mode

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

“Did you know,” says the cop, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Awwwww....

more here

Get Back, Monkey Cat

"Ignore their stares, Renaldo. They will never understand our love."

Escalation

"Good Lord, The Israelis have started firing gazebos into Gaza."

Photoshop Tip

"So I was thinking, maybe the Vet's will be too
crowded, and this time of day almost nobody's
chasing squirrels in the park...."

Al (the dentist's nightmare) Franken's teeth can be used to improve almost any pet's mouth. Kittens will pop off the page with Franken choppers.

BTW - Thanks

Wanted to say thanks you guys, to everyone who ordered Amazon stuff through links on AWL. I just got the above ATD-10021 21 Piece 3/4" Drive Socket Set with the commissions. That's three-quarter drive, ie big honkin sockets that can break a toe should you drop one on your foot. My testosterone has been peaking since they arrived.

So thanks. Lots.

Because You'll Believe Anything

Or, at least they think they can get you to believe anything:

While millions of people tap into Google without considering the environment, a typical search generates about 7g of CO2 Boiling a kettle generates about 15g. “Google operates huge data centres around the world that consume a great deal of power,” said Alex Wissner-Gross, a Harvard University physicist whose research on the environmental impact of computing is due out soon. “A Google search has a definite environmental impact.”

Wha? Two searches equal the energy needed to boil a kettle of water? Sounds a little high, doesn't it? Taking my last two searches "Alex Wissner-Gross," (.06 sec), and "skil saw 3104 blade" (.16 sec), that's .22 seconds of google-work getting done in making those two searches.

I didn't have any effeminate earth friendly tea with a picture of a panda on the box, but I did have Lipton, and some Earl Grey, so I brewed up a cup. Took 4 minutes over a gas flame. In the time it took to make those two searches, one fifth of a second, the water only got about 1/1000th done. Put it another way, a thousand burners, on high, could boil a pot in the time it took for those two searches.

I was going to argue that this can't be, but of course it doesn't really matter. The thought of a thousand gas burners flaming up every time I clicked "search" was too much. I re-searched "Alex Wissner-Gross" 20 times while trying to imagine how much snow I could melt with that many BTUs. No, google doesn't really use that much electricity. Alex uses smoke, mirrors too, because he's a smart guy and he knows where research money goes. It goes to people who are willing to advance the proposition that all the things I like to do are destroying the earth. The guy's a genius, which you could learn if you googled his name, but dear God, don't google his name, OK?

Smarter still may be Nicholas Carr (google search= .24 sec) (the man Wired Magazine called "high tech's Captain Buzzkill — the go-to guy for bad news"). From the same article:

Nicholas Carr, author of The Big Switch, Rewiring the World, has calculated that maintaining a character (known as an avatar) in the Second Life virtual reality game, requires 1,752 kilowatt hours of electricity per year. That is almost as much used by the average Brazilian.

Better smoke, better mirrors, he comes up with an even more ridiculous claim. So now Alex Wissner-Gross will declare that all of Providence Rhode Island could be run with the energy we use dotting our "i"s.

Think either Nicholas or Alex curtail their computing because of these "facts"? I'll bet not. Just as Al Gore has not given up even the smallest bit of comfort in order to save the planet. No, he saves the planet to make money, and take money. And he doesn't inconvenience himself doing it. (though he's willing to inconvenience us)

BTW- the second search told me that I need a 62 inch blade for my bandsaw, and that I could probably get it at Sears. This saves me driving all over creation looking for the thing; and probably getting the wrong size anyway. And scientists tell us that trips back to Home Depot to return merchandise consume more energy than has ever been used in all the history of Mexico. Look it up.

I Kid

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!”

“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked. “Why not?”

She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb!’”

via

Reservations at the Burn Unit

The Bus

"I'm not saying anything, I'm just asking where's your other hand, is all."

D'oh!

Can you imagine spending your hard earned cash on bus advertisements denouncing Alien Abductions? Me either. But it's important to some people to let us know what they don't believe.