Monday, January 31, 2005

From the US patent office:

Who woulda thunk it, the comb-over has been patented.


The method here disclosed uses the remaining hair around the bald area on a person's head. The hair in this area must be extra long to cover the bald area. Generally the hair should be about 3 to 4 inches long.

To use the method of this invention, the hair around the bald area is divided into equal portions, generally three such sections will be used. The sections of hair used by this method generally will be to include equal sections on each side of the head and a third section on the back of the head.

The hair to be used as covering is brushed over the bald area in alternating folds using hair spray to hold the hair in place. The uppermost section can be styled to the person's personal teste.

It is the purpose of this invention to provide a method for covering bald areas using only the hair on a person's head.

Another object of this invention is to provide a method to fold hair in a prearranged design to cover a bald area.

Another object of this invention is to provide a simple method to cover bald areas operable by the user on his own head.

These and other objects will appear more fully from the specification below.....

Sunday, January 30, 2005

True Story?

OK, ok, so the story, if true, is no laughing matter. But check out the
place names.

Hebron pastor charged with abuse
Records claim 2 teens sexually assaulted

Advocate Reporter

NEWARK -- A Hebron pastor is being held in the Licking County Jail, accused of sexually assaulting a girl who frequently attended his church.

Lonny J. Aleshire Jr., 34, associate pastor at the Licking Baptist Church, 1380 Beaver Run Road, Hebron, is charged with one count of sexual battery, a third-degree felony.

Licking County Sheriff's deputies accuse Aleshire, of 503 E. Main St., Hebron, of engaging in sexual activity with the girl at the church....

John takes a stand

So Sunday, John Kerry said:

“No one in the United States should try to over-hype this election.”.........

.....“I think this election is important. I was for the election taking place.”.......

......“The [Iraq] elections don’t mean that much.”

What strategy, or philosophy, or quirk-in-the-head is preventing this guy
from expressing anything positive about the heroic things now taking place in Iraq?
His only positive thought concerns his position... I was for the election taking
place, me, I was, remember that when I'm a candidate again.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Planned Par

From Yahoo News:

NEW YORK - Gloria Feldt, president of the Planned Parenthood (news - web sites) Federation of America for the past eight years, has resigned, the family planning organization announced Thursday........

......"We honor Gloria Feldt's contributions to Planned Parenthood and to the global movement for reproductive justice,"

Reproductive justice? What an odd term. My first thought was that justice is "rendering to every one that which is his due." So the term actually invites you to think about all the parties involved; including the littlest one, the one who can't speak in it's own defense. Sure, I know that this thought won't occur to those predisposed to latch on to the term and apply it to themselves. "See? Justice for me! I was put upon, those bad people from Jesusland oppressed me... but this is justice!"

Ah well.


Made with......


Thursday, January 27, 2005


The man must be on the wagon. When he can properly pronounce quagmire two or three times in a row, you know he's safe to drive.

Maggie Gallagher

So Maggie Gallagher is accused of taking government money to promote
WH programs.... she says it was just payment for writing pamphlets and such.
Too bad for her; she's caught up in the latest leftwing meme, the-government-bought-your-opinion meme. Maggie:

"I've been a marriage expert, researcher, and advocate for nearly 20 years. I've written two books on marriage, numerous articles in scholarly journals, as well as many newspaper columns and magazine articles. My research and expertise is why HHS hired me, and why I accepted the work assignment. I have written a syndicated column for almost 10 years, but my main work has been research and public education on marriage as a social institution.

The Human Rights Campaign is indignant:

"The public deserves to know if there are other 'pay-to-sway' columnists and opinion leaders on the Bush Administration payroll," said HRC Political Director Winnie Stachelberg.

Well, here's the official opinion of the timber industry: "Winnie, fix me a sandwich."

Wednesday, January 26, 2005


whattheheck, originally uploaded by lumberjack.

You KNOW this pup has been poked in the eye more than once by those little fingers. A good dog always lets it go.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


Boy do I feel good today... Found out that the glitch
that the echo technician thought was a tumor was just
a glitch. After a week of worry, and coffin shopping
in my head, I can relax. I'll continue seeing the doctor,
that is, if they let me back in that hospital after I forced
kisses on everyone (even bystanders) in the radiology department.


Pet Care

According to an August Washington Post profile, Maura Hall of Washington, D.C., has spent more than $25,000 (an amount which a United Nations food program says will feed 350 Third World children for a year) for a kidney transplant and post-operative care for "Lily," her longhaired gray cat. (Among the post-op procedures: weekly, $200 blood tests for the rest of her life.) Hall said she encounters hostility from not only those who disagree with her priorities, but also other pet owners who feel guilty that they can't afford such expensive care. (Also, an August BBC News dispatch from Brazil reported on the various cosmetic procedures available for dogs and other pets, such as wrinkle reduction, eyebrow correction and even full face-lifts, but which, fortunately, are less expensive than a kidney transplant, e.g., about US$75 to make drooping ears un-droop.)

And I felt extravagant buying the dogs new collars and leashes.

Monday, January 24, 2005

snow scooter

scooter, originally uploaded by lumberjack.

Before the undignified falling begins.

Friday, January 21, 2005

A step in the right direction, finally?

From The Economist, a story so unexpected that I checked the URL to make sure it wasn't somehow from the Onion. My fingers are crossed on this one; hope Abbas can make Yasser spin in his grave.

Abbas sends in his men

The Palestinian president, Mahmoud Abbas, has sent his security forces to police the Gaza strip, in the hope of curbing militant groups’ attacks on Israeli targets. If successful—a big if—this could pave the way for a broader ceasefire and a revival of the Middle East peace process.

SEVERAL thousand Palestinian paramilitary policemen, in green uniforms and red berets and carrying assault rifles, began taking up positions across the northern Gaza strip on Friday January 21st. They were sent in by Mahmoud Abbas, the newly elected president of the Palestinian Authority (PA), to try to deter Islamist militant groups from launching attacks on Israeli soldiers and settlers in the strip. Among the officers’ first actions was to search vehicles heading for the Erez crossing into Israel—a frequent target for suicide bombers. The PA’s forces also took up positions in northern Gaza’s fields, from where militants have regularly launched volleys of rockets, both at the strip’s Jewish settlements and at towns across the border in southern Israel.

The deployment of Palestinian forces is the first such operation since militants launched their intifada (uprising) over four years ago, which prompted Israel to reoccupy areas that it had handed over to the PA under the Oslo peace accords. If the Palestinian security presence succeeds in deterring militants’ attacks, and if Israel responds with concessions, it could pave the way for a broader ceasefire by the various militant groups and, eventually, to a revival of the internationally backed “road map” peace plan. Mr Abbas’s officials agreed the planned deployment with Israeli officials in a meeting on Wednesday—such co-ordination was crucial, so that Israeli troops would not mistakenly open fire on the PA’s forces. On Friday, the launch of the operation was welcomed by Israel’s deputy prime minister, Shimon Peres. Speaking on Israel Radio, he said Mr Abbas’s first steps were “very impressive”.

In search of suicide bombers

Spongebob Gay?

Say it aint so.

Thursday, January 20, 2005


Another Ananova:

Lucky's luck runs out

A chicken called Lucky, which helped its owner pick out winning lottery numbers, has been eaten by a fox.

Lucky was rescued by Billy Gibbons who found it close to death while he was out walking in 2003, reports the Daily Post.

A week later, while recuperating at Mr Gibbon's Cheshire home, it tapped five numbers into a calculator and netted its owner £1,300.

But Lucky's number finally came up when Mr Gibbons forgot to lock its coop and it was snatched by a fox.

Mr Gibbons, 48, said: "I am upset if any of my chickens get killed by a fox. That was obviously a special chicken.

"I rescued it from certain death. I think it knew that and it followed me everywhere."

Mr Gibbons is now trying to train his remaining hens to peck out numbers too but admitted: "It's not quite the same."

Monday, January 17, 2005


From a site called Teenspoint:

There are two things we can be sure of in this world,
the old saying goes: death and taxes. Tax stories are
boring beyond all bearing, so illness and death
are Lurlene McDaniel's chosen subjects.

The Lumberjack's never really read any of this woman's work but I'll bet I've bought
two or three trees worth of her books. The kid reads them *fast*. Way, way faster
than anything else she's read. So it's a good thing that Lurlene comes out with
a new book more often than Michael Moore brushes his teeth.

Truth is, I was a little concerned when I went to Amazon and checked out the
titles available: Please Don't Die, Someone Dies -- Someone Lives, Don't Die, My Love,
Till Death Do Us Part
.... you get the idea. It sounded like the kind
of writing that called for Parental Supervision; you know, the kind where I
have to start saying "no" and incurring wrath. So I spent actual
hours web-sluthing and the consensus from all the book reports, parents'
comments, and reviews is that Lurlene is a white-hat, ie actually helping kids
somewhat with questions of death, illness, and rotten breaks. Good. Parental
action averted. The poor kid has had a rough year; if these books help, then

I am going to have to read a few of them though. The internet is
a good place to get a diversity of opinion but it's also the source
of some world class misinformation. I'll just have to make sure none of the guys
on the loading docks see a Lurlene book in my cab. Damned if I want to live down
a sensitive-guy reputation; it takes just lavish swearing and profuse spitting and
inappropriate scratching and such.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

But you can call me Yah

From Ananova:

Internet couple name baby Yahoo

A Romanian couple who met each other on the internet have named their baby Yahoo.

Nonu and Cornelia Dragoman, from Medias, say they had a virtual relationship for three months before seeing each other.

Cornelia told Libertatea newspaper: "We named him Lucian Yahoo, one name after my father and the other from the computer. These were the two elements which guided my life."

The baby boy was born a few days after Christmas last year.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005


From Baghdad Dweller, a translation:

Election poll from Al-sabah

This poll was published in Al-Sabah newspaper showing that “terrorists” have failed to to dissuade Iraqis from votin, many be willing to take on the risks necessary to wrench back control of their nation. Even in a dangerous, quasi democratic election.

The poll was of 4974 Iraqis living in and around Baghdad.

The following is the translation of the poll and the results:

Will the security problems cause you to?
Not come out and vote the day of elections = 18.3%
Come out and vote the day of elections = 78.3%
No opinion = 3.4%

Do you support the Iraqi Government having its own official newspaper?
Yes = 67.7%
No = 30.9%
Do Not know = 1.4%?

Do you support military action against the terrorists?
Yes = 87.7 %
No = 11.1%
Don’t Know = 1.2%

Don't you think this is news? I bet it would get better coverage if the numbers
had a yankee-go-home flavor.
This is good news, and from Iraq the Model, an observation:

If these were the results that appeared after taking samples from in and around Baghdad which is considered to be the most dangerous area in the country (and inhabited by lots of Sunni Iraqis by the way!), then what would the results look like if the samples were taken from Basra or Erbil??

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


Know what I like about Chloe? When she's in trouble with the boss, she
stares straight ahead, into the middle-distance, and puts on a little pout.
I've got a child that used to do that. "Have you been eating the frosting
off the cake?" (stare, "maybe if I pretend I didn't hear, he'll forget
about it") "Well, someone has been eating frosting" (pout, "what?")

Cute as can be. Only thing that could make it better would be the
chocolate-smeared face.

I guess I'm ready to be hooked for one more season of 24, though I know
that if I miss a few episodes I'll be too lost to maintain interest.
Miss a few weeks and you're clueless. "Hey, what happened to Roseanne's kid?
Where did Kim get a gun? Why has Jack got a prosthetic arm?"
The only season I've seen completely must be season one. After an operation
on my elbow, I spent a week on narcotics watching 24 on DVD's. It all sort of
blurs together but I think the good-guys won.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Is it a mullet?

Man I wish I could find a picture of The Oval One from
the back. It really looks like he might have a mullet going on. Not
that I'm complaining, this look is *way* better than his previous
too-drunk-to-comb-my-hair look; that made me want to gouge my own
eyes out. I sure hope it's a mullet -- he'll just be too
much fun to ridicule once he starts pony-tailing the back.

Friday, January 07, 2005


Came across this item that may make me rethink
my usual Starbucks avoidance:

This week I reached out for a cup of Chantico drinkable chocolate — gulp! — at Starbucks.
And by gulpable chocolate, I don't mean a chocolate shake, hot chocolate, chocolate milk or even Yoo-hoo. Starbucks has introduced a creamy, dark chocolate dessert that you sip elegantly while discussing great literature ... or "Hey, buddy, can I borrow the sports section?"

Imagine melted Godiva bars covered with hot fudge and Hershey's syrup. Or my old trick of putting a pint of Ben & Jerry's Brownie Batter in the microwave and then chugging it straight.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

What the internet was created for.... again.

Follow the link to find out what made this man
the winner of coveted Fan Deformity of the Week Award.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Cold cold cold

From News of the Weird:

After Billy W. Williams, 53, skipped out during his trial for aggravated assault in 2003 in Dallas, he was found guilty in absentia, but Judge Faith Johnson apparently was not quite satisfied. When Williams was recaptured and returned to her courtroom in October 2004 for sentencing, Johnson organized a "party" in his "honor," with balloons, streamers and a cake, to create a festive backdrop for her gleeful announcement that she was sentencing him to a life term. [CNN-AP, 10-26-04]

Also, on the (possibly) blond driver front:

Citing a police press release, the German news organization Deutsche Welle (DW-World) reported in November that the reason that motorist Julia Bauer of Bochum, Germany, lost control and smashed into a parked car and a lamppost was that she was preparing cereal and milk on the passenger seat while driving to work and tried to catch her bowl as it was falling to the floor. The cost of her breakfast (in damages) turned out to be about US$27,000. [DW-World, 11-5-04]

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


tubing, originally uploaded by lumberjack.

Ah, finally. A chance to show how the unskilled amuse themselves in the snow.

New Year

It's a new year and nothing seems to be working right. Good, just
like last year then. Really? Flickr doesn't seem to want to
accept my photos, other than that, I'm good. Well, good as *I* get