While You Were Out

I buy parts from these guys every once in awhile.
And while I've never had a problem with their products, I often regret ordering from
them. Why?

Yesterday an investigator was here getting my information for a friend's security clearance. Just
a standard thing in these parts. So as I was answering her questions, I noticed her looking
at my while-you-were-out sticker from UPS. It was sitting there on the table to remind me to
leave a check for my C.O.D. parts. And after noticing her glance at it several times, I realized
why. It was from Assembled Products, and it asked me to leave a check for something like
$228.00. But the UPS guy didn't have time to write out "assembled products." He abbreviated it, as
they always do as, "ass prod". So I'm trying to convince this investigator that my friend
is of good character... but I'm sitting there with the paperwork for a package for $228 worth of
ass prods. Lord only knows what was going through her head.

I racked my brain for an innocent way to comment on the sticker, "Oh, that reminds me that I must
leave a check for these perfectly innocent ass prod parts...." But I knew from a lifetime of being
misunderstood that there was nothing I could say that wouldn't make it worse. I was just happy
that the UPS guy didn't show up with my [huge] box of parts while she was there.