Scientology

How many anarchists does it take to fix a bull-horn?


No, they're not really anarchists, they're protesting Scientology, which, I have to say, isn't a bad use for those very cool masks. Oh Mr. Hubbard, the internet is outside and it isn't amused.

Years and years ago a pretty girl came up to me in a parking lot and tried to give me Dianetics, the gateway book for the church of scientology. Immediately, alarm bells went off. Wait, pretty girl? Me? I checked, no, she didn't have a seeing-eye dog. No pretty girl with 20-20 vision had ever come up to me before, so I immediately went into looking-for-other-signs-of-Armageddon mode. I asked a few questions about the book and she blurted out that, well, we're sort of a cult that think ancient alien souls from a volcano live inside us, but they can be evicted if you pay enough money, so can you please join our cult, please please please please?

Luckily for me, when I explained my financial situation, she asked for her book back. Which of course convinced me that this church was for me. "No, but I want to join you, give me the book. Gimme, gimme!" She couldn't get out of there fast enough. Sitting behind the wheel, I reflected: this is more like it, scuffling with a pretty girl over a paperback in front of the drug store. This makes sense to me. That first part, the strange pretty coming on to me out of nowhere, that was crazyland.

But not everyone has been so lucky. Some people did have money, time, and gullibility when the cultists caught up with them. So I think it's good that the internet is pissed at the scientologists. Go get um, internet. Because scientology isn't either: It's not science, and it's not tology. It's a cult.