Homer Quotes

• “How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?”
• “Son, a woman is a lot like a… a refrigerator! They’re about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and … um … Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!”
• “God bless those pagans.”
• “Everyone knows rock n’ roll attained perfection in 1974; It’s a scientific fact.”
• “Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?”
• “They didn’t have any aspirin, so I got you some cigarettes.”
• “Go ahead and play the blues if it’ll make you happy.”
• “Marge, I’m going to miss you so much. And it’s not just the sex. It’s also the food preparation.”
• “Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!”
• “Bart! With $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like… love!”
• “I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back.”
• “Lisa, honey, if it’ll make you feel better I’ll destroy something Bart loves.”
• “Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her… during the commercial.”
• “Stupid risks are what make life worth living.”
• “If you really need money, you can sell your kidney or even your car.”
• “The sun? That’s the hottest place on Earth.”
• “I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. 1). Cover for me. 2). Oh, good idea Boss! 3). It was like that when I got here.”
• “Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.”
• “Lisa, you’re a Buddhist, so you believe in reincarnation. Eventually, Snowball will be reborn as a higher life form… like a snowman.”
• “God can’t be everywhere, right?”
• “It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.”
• “Oh, so they have internet on computers now!”
• “What is a wedding? Webster’s Dictionary defines a wedding as ‘The process of removing weeds from one’s garden.’”
• “Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!”
• “Throw them away? Are you mad woman? You never know when an old calendar may come in handy. Sure it’s not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow might bring?”
• “Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! … except the weasel.”
• “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
• “I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman!”
• “You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.”
• “You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.”
• “The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a beer bottle, they’re on TV.”