The Onion:
CHICAGO—In an effort to streamline unethical practices and boost illegal profiteering, Mayor Richard M. Daley announced sweeping new plans Monday to overhaul his city's "antiquated" system of graft.
According to Daley, Chicago's once-great fraudulent institutions have grown obsolete, and City Hall is no longer bilking taxpayers out of as much money as it once did.
"It's been business as usual for too long in Chicago, and now it's time to find more efficient ways to misuse authority for personal gain," said Daley....
This has been long overdue; I mean really. Just look at the primitive methods the Obamas had available : no-show jobs, and slum-lords buying the side-yard for their new house, for Pete's sake. That's Teapot Dome league. With the advent of computers and the 'paperless' office, you'd think we could move beyond 19th century corruption. We need a yes we can attitude here if we want corruption to blossom.
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