Monday, October 07, 2013

Knock Knock

Who's there?



Veeshir said...

Train who?

lumberjack said...

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.

She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up.

The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.

Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!"

The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

Veeshir said...


I'm adding that to my repertoire.

Veeshir said...

Not a train joke, but I have to reply.

A nun is making confession, she tells the priest she took the Lord's name in vain.
He says he needs to know the circumstances to know the penance.

"I was golfing. I was on the 18th hole after having a good day, I was at 97 on a par 5, I had never broken 100 and if I came close to par I would be closer to 100 than ever.

So I teed off and the shot was beautiful. The prettiest drive I'd ever hit. It was sailing straight when it hit a power wire across the fairway and fell straight down less than 100 yards away."

Is that when you took His name in vain?

No, then a squirrel ran up, grabbed my ball and ran away.

Is that when you took His name in vain?

No, then an eagle came by and grabbed the squirrel and flew off with the squirrel still holding the ball.

Is that when you took His name in vain?

No, then the squirrel dropped the ball. It bounced on the cart path twice, hit some rocks, bounced over a sand trap, hit the green and rolled up to about 8 inches from the hole.

The priest stares at her, pauses and then says, "You missed the G-d damn putt, didn't you?"