Halp Our Boys Stephen King

Noel Sheppard called him on it:

I don't want to sound like an ad, a public service ad on TV, but the fact is if you can read, you can walk into a job later on. If you don't, then you've got, the Army, Iraq, I don't know, something like that. It's, it's not as bright. So, that's my little commercial for that.

And formerly Sailorette schooled him on it:

Hate to break it to ya, Mr. King, but I was the EPO in boot camp-- Educational Petty Officer. EVERYONE has to not only be able to read, but be able to pass several tests in history, memorize regulations and learn seamanship-- all on less than six hours of sleep a night, for roughly two months. Oh, and it's all in English.

You don't pass, you don't leave boot camp. There isn't any "nudging" the scores, either-- all machine graded, and there are multiple test versions in each class.

If you're going to write fiction, why don't you go back to the scary stuff and stop trying to pass such fiction off as reality?

I work with, and next to Marines, most days and I, too, can testify that Mr. King has got it wrong.

By the way, an article from eight years ago struck me as funny today:

FRYEBURG, Maine (AP) The accident that put Bryan Smith in the spotlight _ running over horror writer Stephen King - was far from his biggest worry before he was found dead in his trailer last weekend. He took pain medications for a longstanding back injury. One of his arms was weak. Carpal tunnel syndrome and depression only added to the problems of a 43-year-old grandfather who was surviving on disability payments.

Smith was buried Tuesday. Autopsy results were inconclusive, and the state medical examiner's office was awaiting toxicology reports before determining a cause of death.

Police, however, said there is no evidence Smith killed himself. And friends and relatives said he wasn't particularly upset about the accident that injured King, nor was he tormented by the writer's fans.

"Not particularly upset"? Sheesh, he whacked the hell out of him. And I'm not laughing at Mr. King here.... though I am suppressing a grin.