I don't actually golf myself, being pretty much busy with work and pretend lumberjack stuff:
The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into more trees. Finally, after banging away several more times, he hit into a sand trap.
All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching. "What club should I use now?" he asked the pro.
"I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?"
I plan on pretending to be a golfer when I have more time though:
Over breakfast, a woman asked her husband, "Honey, if I die before you will you remarry?" He's a little surprised, but replies: "Well, we have had a good marriage, and marriage is a good institution ... so, yes, I'd probably remarry."
"And would you bring her to live in our house?"
"Well, we worked hard to pay off the mortgage and it would be silly to move someplace else, so, yes, I think I would bring her to live here."
"Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no way. She's left-handed."