Give Till It Hurts

Counting Money, "I recommend it."

Discovery News has an article on why your mother was right: early to bed, early to rise, and bathe in money whenever possible:

Money can't buy you love, happiness or even respect. Cash, however, might provide some relief from pain.

In a series of experiments, people who counted money felt less pain when their hands were dipped into scalding water. The soothing power of cash also helped them shrug off the emotional pain of social exclusion.

The findings might offer an easy way to ease life's stings and hurts, from painful medical treatments to social ostracism: Simply flip through a bulging wallet before enduring a painful experience.

I do have to wonder, however, if the people selected for these experiments are truly representative of the general population. What sort of person say yes when offered a chance to count money -- but no, you don't get to keep it, and we will dip your hands in scalding water when you're done. I think I'd pass by the people lining up for a chance at that experiment.

No thanks scientists, call me when you get to the experiment where I pop balloons and you squirt lemon juice in my eyes. Or better yet, the one where I drink coffee and you give me a foot rub.

Darn now that I've given them the idea, I'll get no credit for next year's blockbuster study: Coffee Drinkers Like Themselves Some Footrub. Ah well, it keeps them from studying robin's beaks and concluding man made global warming is definitely, really, for sure this time going to kill us all by Thursday.