Testers Needed

You saw the story:

MELBOURNE, Australia - A major condom brand said Friday it expected thousands of applicants for a new unpaid job on offer — condom tester.

Durex said 200 adult Australians — men and women — are wanted to test a range of its condoms.

And I'm sure they will get thousands of applicants. But what about real-world testing? Back in the day, condoms had two uses. First as water balloons, and second, as wallet padding. If I remember correctly, you put a condom in your wallet, then, nine years later, after a permanent "O" had been embossed into the leather, you gave up on ever using it, and threw it out. I remember some of us would name our condoms, some would even whisper encouragement to them. But none of my crew ever encountered a situation in which one could be put to use. Hey, maybe that's why our generation didn't require classes in school on proper condom use. Maybe it wasn't because we were so much smarter than today's youth. Maybe it was because it was obvious that no skills would be required of us until well into adulthood. Probably a good thing too. I can imagine: the sexual revolution happens and half my peers die in condom mishaps. "We've got another one doctor. Dear God, how do you get that many condoms over your head?"