Monday, December 31, 2007

Last Photoshop/Paint of the Year

Something to scare the children with in the new year.

***Update: I just couldn't leave it alone. I compromised between her hairline and Nick's, and gave her a bad habit.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Experts Again

Scientists, what would we do without them?

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - A nearly decade-old food guide pyramid for older adults has gotten a makeover to make it more user-friendly....
Hey, you don't have to be any more user friendly than: "eat your damn vegetables." Besides, I've seen the future of the food pyramid, and it is the Chocolate Fountain.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Situational Awareness


Chelsea Clinton greets local residents during a campaign stop with
her mother Democratic presidential hopeful...

Don't ever accept a cookie from someone with this look on their face. And don't lend them your ax. In fact, begin edging your way towards the door whenever you encounter this look.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

Come on St Nick, go "Ho-Ho-Ho" one more time. I promise this is the last time.

Christmas Tradition

Hard to believe:

In Minnesota, the tiny Day Fish Co. manages to sell 50 tons of lutefisk from October to January.
Fifty tons? Oh the humanity! That means one or two tons are actually eaten. And forty or fifty tons of mashed potatoes are used to cover up the remainder, one portion at a time. I'll assume that's all sold in America. You won't catch self-respecting Canadians eating the stuff, and thinking on it, lutefisk has to be the exact inverse of Mexican food.

While I was doing my yearly lutefisk check, I came across a test to see Which Norwegian Political Party Are You? Turns out I'm of Progress Party, which I pretty much suspected. The Progress Party is not at all like American "progressive".

Anyway, bonus, they had a graphic of all the party logos on the site and it struck me: There isn't a one of them that would look out of place on a box of cookies:

Which reminds me, those Christmas cookies downstairs won't eat themselves. I better go do my share. Merry Christmas again everyone.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Who Are Those Guys in Iraq

This is who they are:

MAUSTON, Wis. - Capt. Scott Southworth knew he'd face violence, political strife and blistering heat when he was deployed to one of Baghdad's most dangerous areas. But he didn't expect Ala'a Eddeen.

Ala'a was 9 years old, strong of will but weak of body — he suffered from cerebral palsy and weighed just 55 pounds. He lived among about 20 kids with physical or mental disabilities at the Mother Teresa orphanage, under the care of nuns who preserved this small oasis in a dangerous place.....
Read it all. Merry Christmas, and Happy Hanukkah.

Friday, December 21, 2007


Jamie Lynn Spears may have gotten confused by the Kid's Choice Awards.

We used to watch Zoey 101 at the lumber camp. And unlike our old favorite, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I didn't have to interrupt the dialog with a "Bad Zoey!" every 15 minutes. See, that's parents interacting with their kids, allowing the kid exposure to popular culture, but at the same time instructing them that it's wrong to sleep with vampires. And I thought we had a winner with Zoey. I mean, there weren't vampire hook-ups at least.

Anyway, know what is not so bad about this 16 year old role model? She didn't choose to abort the baby. So credit Jamie Lynn Spears with one "Bad Buffy" and one "Good Girl" because her life would have been (superficially) much easier if she had followed up with the easy way out. Now we have to hope she's a better mom than her sister.

Best Quote From the Senate Report

Though it is full of them:

MIT Climate Scientist Dr. Richard Lindzen, former UN IPCC lead author and reviewer and an Alfred P. Sloan Professor of Meteorology, Dept. of Earth, Atmospheric and Planetary Sciences, called fears of man-made global warming "silly" in January 31, 2007 CNN interview.
"I think it's mainly just like little kids locking themselves in dark closets to see how much they can scare each other and themselves," Lindzen said.

More Sidewalk Paintings

Or are they chalkings? More at the link.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

My Kind of Guy

embiggen with a click if you can't read it

via World Topix

Are the Writers Still on Strike?

This is the kind of thing you couldn't make up:

Lynne Spears' Parenting Book Put On Indefinite Hold

Rep for book's publisher says, 'It's delayed, not canceled.'

On the heels of the announcement that Britney Spears' 16-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn, is pregnant with her first child comes word that the parenting book due for release in the spring from the girls' mom, Lynne Spears, has been delayed. People magazine reports that the book, which was to be released under the title "Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World," is on indefinite hold by publisher Thomas Nelson, which puts out inspirational literature and Bibles.
Lynne Spears is quoted as saying she, "doesn't understand how this could have happened." OK, I think that might be a clue.

Simple Math

Now this is getting silly. They've built a boat that will run on fuel produced from liposuction:

Demonstrating further commitment to the cause, Bethune underwent liposuction and donated enough to produce 100ml of biofuel, while two other, larger volunteers also had the procedure, making a total of 10 litres of human fat.

This in turn produced seven litres of biofuel, which could help the boat travel about 15km.

Earthrace is fuelled on 100 per cent biodiesel and has a net zero carbon footprint.
Seven liters of fuel takes them 15 km.? Then they only need 18,720 more liters to go around the world. And here's where the math comes in.

The amount of fuel needed to achieve a net zero carbon footprint is.... zero. Now unless my math fails me, this adventure will be using about 19,000 liters more than that.

Regardless, who wants to run a boat on liposuction fat anyway? In thermodynamics there's a term for it: yucky. And besides that, the boat would be entirely impractical for anyone, with the possible exception of Rosie O'Donnell.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

You Cook Girl

The Food Network has ordered extra helpings of Rachael Ray.
A new primetime series, 'Rachael's Vacation,' will
premiere Jan. 12, the network announced Monday...

I tell you what, she could brown Pop-Tarts in a toaster every week and I'd tune in.

One Less Pesky Conifer

So the 2007 tree is up:

You know, they say a fresh cut Christmas tree warms you twice:

  • Once when you get in the nice warm car to drive to Boy Scout lot to buy it.
  • And then again, as you sit by the fire and watch the wife haul ornaments up from the basement.

Ah, this is the good life. There is no doubt in my mind.

Mr Splashy Pants

Environmentalists are saddened by the sight of what they say is the final humiliation for the whale in a country that hunts them down with harpoons.
Ha! I love when they get all outraged. Hey environmentalists, lighten up. It's just a hat, ok? And this is a country where game show contestants have cactus stuffed down their pants and are then made to race on flaming tricycles. The hats are pretty benign.

Also in environmental news - I didn't post about the naming of Mr Splashy Pants, because "Splashy Pants" was already the clear winner in the Greenpeace naming of the whale. And my only interest was in defeating the new-agish made-up Indian sound-alikes:
Mister Splashy Pants got a huge 119,367 votes (over 78 percent of the vote) with his nearest rival being Humphrey at 4,329 (less than 3 percent). The rest of the top ten were Aiko, Libertad, Mira, Kaimana, Aurora, Shanti, Amal and Manami.

Many websites also took credit for the rise and rise of the Splashy-Panted One. Some websites encouraged their readers to cheat and vote more than once, while others like Treehugger seemed to imply that Mister Splashy Pants wasn't a proper name for a whale.

We're sure Treehugger didn't mean it that way but it resulted in a final wave of votes from their readers that took Splashy to an unreachable position at the top of the pod.

To everyone who voted for Mister Splashy Pants, now that you've named him, it's time to save him......
Ummmm, nope. We're done.

Monday, December 17, 2007


Moose and Squirrel are walking through woods... Then come upon buffalo statue.....
You'll have to click on the image to see what happens next. After all, we're still shooting for a PG-13 rating. (hint: it's a guy moose)

Key quote: The attacker could not be dissuaded, and kept up his assault for eight hours.

The Thoughtful Husband

It probably started because one year I forgot to get the wife anything for Christmas. Easy mistake to make, I'd think. Anyway, she blamed me for it, even though I'm pretty sure she was responsible; asking me to shovel snow and such, distracting me from my shopping.

So, since that time, I've always tried to go the extra mile. And that's my advice to all you guys. Try to get her the things she would probably use but wouldn't think to ask for. I can't wait to give her this plunger. I suspect the joy will be visible on her face.

Deep Thought

Sometimes I think it'd be more fun to be a liberal. Though I guess "progressive" is the current label, now that "liberal" puts a bad taste in everyone's mouth. The idea is the same though: you proclaim yourself smarter and more compassionate, then you devise ways to gain power, which, don't worry, you're compassionate, and take our money, which, look we're too dumb to spend it properly anyway. Sweet job.

Anyway, sometimes they put their big heads on display, and the result is usually entertaining:

Behold, the Bush Administration in chart form: Federal spending on paper shredding has increased more than 600 percent since George W. Bush took office. This chart, generated by, the U.S. government's brand spanking new database of federal expenditures, shows spending on "contracts for paper shredding services" going back to 2000. Click here for the full, heartbreaking breakdown. In 2000, the feds spent $452,807 to make unpleasant truths go away; by 2006, the "Cheney Effect" had bumped that number up to $2.9 million. And by halfway through 2007, the feds almost matched that number, with $2.7 million and counting. Pretty much says it all.
Well, says it all, yes. It says that the outsourcing of paper shredding has grown. The chart doesn't show that the biggest growth has been at the IRS. In fact, the expenditure for IRS paper shredding is much larger than all the others combined.

Which of Bush's secrets is the IRS shredding, do you suppose? Couldn't have something to do with hundreds of millions of tax forms now, could it? Chances are that the growth of shredding contracts at the IRS isn't due to a large growth in the number of tax forms processed. It says that contracts have increased, that's all.

And look at how easy this progressive big brained thinking is to do. In the same government database you can find a shocking trend:

This is a graph of government expenditures on toiletries. Notice anything? Like shocking growth up until 2004, when it peaked? Could it be that these staggering quantities of toiletries were used to spruce-up the government up until the 2004 election, after which contracts were slowly abandoned so as not to draw too close scrutiny from big brained progressives? Of course that's what it was. And they talk about John Edwards and his $400 haircuts!

See how easy? How about this: in 2006, facing a Democrat majority, the Bush White House invested heavily in material handling equipment in an attempt to actually move the government. The plan was for the newly arriving congressmen to find an empty city when they showed up for the first day on the job. Don't believe it? Look at the graph:

Absurd, you say. This can't be. We know that this is not a proper interpretation of the graph because the government was never moved.

Oh, wasn't it? No, I suppose not as far as you know, it wasn't.

via: BoingBoing

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Just Trying to Help the Campaign

And Clinton said: "Somebody will parse this interview..." to take his quotes out of context. "It is stupid... I think we are fortunate in having people nail clippers, toy train nest egg follow song bliss."


I was willing to overlook the Jim Nabors grin and the name that sounds like it was snatched from a Hanna-Barbera cartoon. But this is the deal breaker for me and the Huck:

"American foreign policy needs to change its tone and attitude, open up, and reach out," Huckabee said. "The Bush administration's arrogant bunker mentality has been counterproductive at home and abroad. My administration will recognize that the United States' main fight today does not pit us against the world but pits the world against the terrorists."
Where was this guy in 2003? Does he really believe the liberal myth that we didn't try to get a larger coalition; we didn't try to move the UN? That's Ted Kennedy after the 6th highball thinking, "Oh, I would have used diplomacy. I would have built a world consensus." Doesn't anyone remember the French, mindful of their oil for food bribes, saying that they would veto any military action? Any.

Regardless of Huck's reasons, whether he's just saying what he thinks will sway the electorate, ala Clinton, or whether he's actually bought the revisionist view that we just went cowboy in 2003, he's off my short list.

You decide:

Friday, December 14, 2007

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Happy Sankta Lucia

AKA: Wax in Hair Day

Another Big Foot

You just have to hope that the well-meaning kids, who risk their lives riding bikes to work, notice:

The UN secretary-general today called on world leaders for immediate action on climate change - before flying thousands of miles to the US for a music concert and then leaving in the interval to jet to Europe.

Ban Ki-moon has been slammed for planning a round-the-world trip that will generate thousands of tonnes of carbon emissions just days after he leaves the UN meeting in Bali.

Christmas at the White House

The Ghost of Christmas Past sent these:

Jorge Cabrera with Al Gore

and with Hillary

In early January 1996, three weeks after having attended the
Christmas reception at the White House, Cabrera was arrested
and charged with importing 6,000 pounds of cocaine into the
United States on boats through the Florida Keys.

And everyone remembers Johnny Chung right?

Johnny (is-hundreds-ok?) Chung

But please, Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, say this need not be:

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

What'd We Do Without Um?

No, not what'd we do without pregnant women, what'd we do without scientists:

WASHINGTON - Scientists think they have figured out why pregnant women don't lose their balance and topple over despite ever-growing weight up front.

Evolution provided them with slight differences from men in their lower backs and hip joints, allowing them to adjust their center of gravity, new research shows.

This elegant engineering is seen only in female humans and our immediate ancestors who walked on two feet, but not in chimps and apes, according to a study published in Thursday's journal Nature.
Never mind that any lumberjack, or goat herder, that ever lived with a pregnant woman could tell you why they don't fall over: the wobble like Weebles. It may be that the scientists thought we needed an answer to this question because no man in his right mind ever spoke of the wobbly way pregnant women walk. I'm only able to post this because I checked that there are no pregnant women within a half mile in any direction.

Oh, almost forgot, the reason I was amused in the first place: Below the picture, the "click to enlarge" button. Ha! I actually clicked it to see if she would get bigger.

It's Not a Perfect World

In a perfect world, Tom Cruise would be parking our car.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

My Old Friend

Michelle Malkin posted this video from Hugo's buddy, Sean Penn. Her point concerned how the lone protester comported himself and how he was treated. I found something else disturbing though. At about the 44 second mark, Sean Penn describes, in detail, the president, Donald Rumsfeld, and Condi Rice being executed by firing squad. He throws in the details like it is something he daydreams about.

Um, Sean, that's creepy. Creepier still, is the fact that you don't understand it's creepy. Saints protect us from the nonviolent.

Snowball Fight

Know what's surprisingly cool? Putting the heads of family and friends on the actors in this video greeting card. Really, the result was much better than you would expect. It takes a little effort though. Maybe 10-15 minutes but it's worth it.

Court: Gay couple can't divorce in RI

What is this? I can see having convictions that gay people shouldn't be allowed to get married. I don't really care though, it's none of my business. But where does the idea that gay couples shouldn't be allowed to divorce come from?:

PROVIDENCE, R.I. - A lesbian couple that married in Massachusetts cannot get divorced in their home state of Rhode Island, the state Supreme Court ruled Friday.
I'm sorry, but now it looks like you guys are just jerking them around. "They want a what? A divorce? Oh, I know! Let's tell them they can't." I mean, come ooonn.

Monday, December 10, 2007

When They Going to Learn?

Ever since August 25, 2005, when Katrina made landfall, they've been calling for more frequent, and bigger, storms. Global Warming was responsible, of course. But, here's a shocker, the storms have been less frequent, and less severe, since Katrina. And I haven't heard anyone explain why that is.

That hasn't stopped the forecasters though, who are calling for.... drum roll please... more activity next hurricane season:

FORT COLLINS, Colo. (AP) - Hurricane forecaster William Gray called Friday for seven Atlantic hurricanes, three of them major, during the 2008 season.

Gray's team at Colorado State University issued the prediction six months before the June-November season begins.

The preliminary forecast calls for a total of 13 named storms in the Atlantic. It also says it is probable that at least one major hurricane will hit the U.S. coastline.

"Despite fairly inactive 2006 and 2007 hurricane seasons, we believe that the Atlantic basin is still in an active hurricane cycle," Gray said. "This active cycle is expected to continue at least for another decade or two."

Gray has been forecasting hurricanes for more than two decades, and his predictions are watched closely by emergency responders and others in coastal areas.

The predictions are not always on the mark. Gray initially forecast nine hurricanes for the 2007 Atlantic hurricane season, and later lowered that prediction to eight. Only six hurricanes formed....
Now I'm not saying the forecasters are stupid, or not doing their jobs, but if you can't predict one small component of the climate six months out, what chance is there that you can accurately predict what will be happening with the whole system 100 years in the future?


Venezuelans turned their clocks back 30 minutes Sunday in the latest measure by President Hugo Chavez to revolutionize their lives.
I thought he'd already done this:
But critics called it an arbitrary move by a socialist leader who has already redesigned the national flag, renamed the country the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela, after independence hero Simon Bolivar, and plans to launch a new currency, the ''strong bolivar,'' in 2008.

The change ''affects even the biological functioning of the body, which is scientifically proven,'' he said Sunday.

Street vendor Maria Luz Garcia, 74, said she doesn't see much sense to the 30-minute adjustment and that it's being done simply ''because that man likes to change things like that.''

Garbage collector Jose Hernandez, 48, said he thinks the time change is a sound policy that will benefit Venezuelans.

''Children can wake up later,'' he said. AP
And if the children put their shoes on a half hour later, they won't wear out shoes so fast. It's just a win - win - win - win - win - win - win - win situation. I can see now why Sean Penn calls this man a genius, and President Bush an idiot. Course, if President Bush ordered the clocks set back a half hour, it would mean the children couldn't go home from school until a half hour later.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Finders Keepers

More Tests

I know that most Lumberjack readers get their fill of personality tests whenever they enter, or exit, prison, or rehab. But in case you feel like taking one just for the fun of it: the brutally honest personality test

The whole set of results was a little long so I just snipped out the good parts:

No I didn't photoshop in those last results... I cheated on the test.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Al Gore Pays His Dues

From Aftenposten:

Environmental champion Al Gore has sparked criticism for his near-constant air travel, much of it on private jets. He opted for more environmentally friendly modes of transport when he traveled to Oslo Friday to accept this year's Nobel Peace Prize.

First Gore flew on a normally scheduled commercial flight from New York, along with his family, and landed at Oslo's main airport at Gardermoen Friday morning.

Gardermoen is located about an hour's drive north of downtown Oslo, and dignitaries generally ride into town in private cars or limousines. The former US vice president, however, decided to practice what he preaches by shunning gas-guzzling, exhaust-producing cars and taking the Airport Express Train (Flytoget) into town.

The high-speed train was built to serve Oslo's new airport when it opened in 1998. It remains Norway's only high-speed line, and makes the trip to Gardermoen in about a half-hour.

After arriving at the National Theater station in the heart of Oslo, Gore intended to walk to the Grand Hotel, where all winners of the Nobel Peace Prize traditionally stay.
Does anyone really think this signals a change in the way Al Gore lives his life? I mean, do you think he's seen the light? Does he understand now that if he's going to talk-the-talk, that he also must walk-the-walk? If you believe that, I've got a bridge I'd like to sell you.

Nope, this flying commercial is a one time thing, so it's good that there were plenty of cameras on hand to document it. He's done. Walk from the train station? Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Reptile Fossils Found in Arctic, Hmmmm....

IoL News reports:

Oslo AFP- Norwegian researchers have discovered a second rare fossil in the Arctic of a pliosaur, a giant reptile described by experts as the "T-Rex of the oceans", the project leader said on Tuesday.

"We think it is a species unknown until now. Our pliosaur shows significant differences from those discovered in France and Britain," Joern Hurum of Oslo University's paleontology department told reporters.

The fossil, including parts of the skull, was discovered during a dig this past summer in the Svalbard archipelago, about 1 000km from the North Pole.
Hmmm, Reptiles in the Arctic. Does that tell us anything? Let's see, reptiles are cold blooded, and need a warm environment... "I know!" says a scientist at the back of the room, "That tells us that reptiles used to wear coats."

I'm the Canary

From the Shreveport Times:

WASHINGTON — An ongoing fight between the White House and the Democratic Congress over funding the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan could lead to furloughs at many military bases, including Fort Polk.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates has told base commanders to come up with cost-cutting plans that include furloughing up to 100,000 civilian and contract workers. He called the plans "the least undesirable" of several options if the Pentagon runs out of money.
Thing is, and this is the way it should be, the military can't wait until the money is gone, they have already started cutting costs. And today I got a call canceling a job on an Army base that had been in the works for some time. Now, this is just one job, for a few thousand dollars, and it's not going to hurt me much, but some government contractors are just getting by as it is. That's government contractors, like the guy who started his own lawn maintenance company, or the self employed carpenter, not like Halliburton.

I expect there are some in government who think, "well, they're government contractors, screw um." That's because they have no clue who government contractors really are. They're voters.

It Baffles Us Too

I saw on NRO:

"If I can marry this incredibly brilliant, beautiful woman, I mean, why wouldn't I think I can be president of the United States?"

—Dennis Kucinich
Yeah Dennis, but you can't slip the entire electorate roofies. Well, maybe California, because they've given you a head-start, but that's it.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Johannes Vermeer Weeps in His Grave

I know I'll get extra days in purgatory for this.


Not sure how official it is but there's a new Blackwater blog that looks interesting. They've got a Monty Python clip on the first page, so they can't be too bad, and greatness is a possibility.

Rage Against the Kabuki

Another in the line of Rage Boy paintings that I won't mind losing if Blogger melts down further.

***Update: Woo-hoo, at least some of the Blogger problems are fixed, so here's more. Just plead for me to stop when you've had enough.

Swift Kids For Truth

Found at Ben Smith's:

Monday, December 03, 2007

Tis the Season

I would normally link to a quote but I can't because of intractable not wanting to. Anyway the quote stands alone and tickled me some:

We need to present the strong, clear light of atheism as a positive and desirable alternative to the murky darkness of religious intolerance and superstition.
hee-hee silly atheists

Because Images Are Still Broken

Soccer with binoculars:

h/t: NRO

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Sean Penn Must Be on Pins and Needles

Looks like a squeaker in Venezuela:

CARACAS, Venezuela (AP) - Hugo Chavez sought to cement his power and end presidential term limits in a vote Sunday that the government and opposition said was too close to call.

"The result of the referendum is close," Vice President Jorge Rodriguez said from Chavez's campaign headquarters. "We will respect the result, whatever it is - even it's by one single vote."
Well, if he's really going to respect the vote, I guess that puts him ahead of some American D's.

Saturday, December 01, 2007


Just checking Blogger image posting. This image wasn't really finished yet but I'll most likely delete this post and repost it after Blogger gets this problem fixed. [ok, I finished the paint, and blogger has fixed the problem so, wa-hoo, you can click to embiggen again]

If there's still a problem, the picture won't embiggen with a click, it will ask to be downloaded.
***Update: There's still a blogger problem but I tried the work-around, and it does work. [Blogger Fixed!](only problem now is that there is no workaround for the header image)