Saturday, June 30, 2007

Mark Malloch Brown

Experts are puzzled over the appointment of Mark Malloch Brown as a foreign minister with responsibility for Africa, Asia and the United Nations. Little is known of his politics, however, inferences can be made from the fact that he is George Soros' dog.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Rage Boy

People are having fun [NSFW] with Professional Outrage Boy, so I gave it a shot. [***update: as more and more pictures have been added, some of the submissions are not what I'd call safe for work] This is the first picture that came to mind when I saw his gaping face: the 'win or lose, you won't be riding your bicycle for awhile' picture-

And since I've got the image out anyway:


may as well give up now, I can do this all night...

Know what's spooky? The original monkey looks more intelligent:

May as well put this one here as well:

I'm unable to post these to the Snapped Shot site. Not sure why. Michelle Malkin has a few links to others' efforts.


I knew I could find this at the Huffington Post:

have you noticed? A major coincidence is that every time something like Cheney Gets In Trouble, or The Supreme Court Announces GITMO Review, or Bush is Subpoened For Lying, or Iraq Occupation Billions Stolen by War Lobbyists, then we have a little terrorist's attack?

See this and think for yourself, folks..
And there's surely more of the same, I just scanned the first page of comments. I like the admonition to "think for yourself, folks"

***Update:ABC News is saying:
U.S. and British law enforcement officials tell ABC News it is increasingly clear Friday's bomb plot in London involves multiple vehicles....
OK, so according to huffpo logic, this means that Bush couldn't have driven both the cars, therefore: Cheney is involved too!

Spice Girls

May as well go on record, my favorite: cardamom.

Making Life

The claim isn't really true:

Scientists could create the first new form of artificial life within months after a landmark breakthrough in which they turned one bacterium into another.

Craig Venter likened the process to 'changing a Macintosh computer
into a PC by inserting a new piece of software'

In a development that has triggered unease and excitement in equal measure, scientists in the US took the whole genetic makeup - or genome - of a bacterial cell and transplanted it into a closely related species.

This then began to grow and multiply in the lab, turning into the first species in the process.
It's not quibbling to say that no new life was created. What they did was modify existing life. What they didn't do is make life, even bacterial life, where none before existed. This is something I've been waiting to see ever since my 5th grade science teacher told me that life came from a primordial soup of amino acids. (see, there was this soup, and um, probably lightning and heat, and it was all mixed up... and then, when nobody was paying attention, a single cell organism crawled out) From there, the leap to platypuses was inevitable.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have a religious conviction that says there is no evolution. It's just that there has always been something fishy about the primordial soup-um-and-lightning explanation of life's origins. Whenever I've heard it explained, they always gloss over the middle parts and jump to, "and then there was the first single cell organism." OK, that's how it happened? Then do it again. And still, the closest we can get with our big scientific brains is the modification of existing bacteria.

I'm not saying this isn't important science. I will welcome the day when you can go into the doctor's office, complain that you're tired of this drug resistant staph infection, and hear, "OK well how bout we'll change that into something else for you. How do you feel about rheumatic fever?" or, "Look if you don't care for gonorrhea, we can change that to a rash on your neck."

Attempted Terror

I'm sure you've seen:

Police thwarted an apparent terror attack Friday near the famed Piccadilly Circus in the heart of London, defusing a bomb made of a lethal mix of gasoline, propane gas, and nails after an ambulance crew spotted smoke coming from a silver Mercedes outside a nightclub.
OK, apart from the question of why George Bush would do this now, so far away from the election, you also have to wonder why they call this a circus. I mean, I've been there and as circuses go, I have to say I was disappointed. Mexican border towns have better circuses than this.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

The Internets

I like my internet, thank Gore. But sometimes I have to wonder if it's worth it. There is a website now (I won't link it) that is raising money to not have an abortion.

It comes down to this. If we can't raise the $50,000 in the next 3 months, we'll have to choose abortion. We don't like it, and we don't like the nature of our appeal, but it is what it is. We're asking you to donate money to us using the link to your left. [not on this page] Anything you can give would be appreciated.

Understand that you are giving the money to us, with no obligation on our part.
How wrong can something be? This is the National Lampoon's “If you don’t buy this magazine we’ll shoot this dog” cover, except, this appears to be real. Never mind that this couple can get help at any Catholic church. Never mind that adoption is an option. Never mind that we don't know there really is a pregnancy, or that they won't have an abortion regardless of how much money they raise. And never mind that if donations could save this baby, it would be raised by two people who love it less that the strangers who made it's birth possible.

No, I won't give the link because this has to be a scam. Real people can't be this soulless. If the website has any value, it is as a reminder to send a donation to the local pregnancy help center.
***Update: Option Line - 24 hour Pregnancy Hotline
Find a pregnancy help center near you. Donate.

What Are We?

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


You've seen the story everywhere: Bill Barnes, 72, of Walker, Michigan, is standing there scratching-off a scratch-off when a punk kid tries to snatch his money. Bill grabs the offending fingers with one hand and, with the other, starts wailing on the kid like Mel Gibson. Money quote: "There was blood everywhere." If you're going to have a conflict, that's the way to end it, with blood dripping from the ceiling.

Not that I'm violent, or even advocate violence in others, unless Scientologists are involved. But sometimes it's called for. Anyway, I was standing in the frustration line today, that's the line that starts out looking the shortest, but then because of one thing or another (price check! etc.) becomes the slowest line in the store. OK so I'm standing there watching the scratch-off register and I started day-dreaming about getting a card, leaving the corners of some bills hanging out of my pocket, and spending a few hours just scratching and rescratching....

Not a serious daydream, just passing the time. But that started me thinking. I wonder if, across America, while I stand here dying of old age in this line, I wonder if Alan Alda is standing in a similar line, daydreaming about some punk trying to pick his pocket... Whereupon Alan immobilizes him with the Gaze of Understanding, and proceeds to pummel him with reason, empathy, and a bottle of herbal hair conditioner. Money quote: "There was karma everywhere..." No, I know that could never happen. Alan has people he sends out for conditioner.

Richard Lugar

The man Harry Reid called "brilliant" and "courageous":

And a man Bill Maher considers brilliant and courageous, Osama bin Laden, predicted that we would have a successful redeployment: "The defeat of American forces in Beirut in 1983 is proof America does not have the stomach to stay in a fight. ....In Somalia, the United States pulled out, trailing disappointment, defeat and failure behind it."

Somewhere, in a cave, someone is saying, "Thank you senator Lugar."

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Prison Changes A Girl

We all want to fit in.

And a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do to survive. But Paris, rolled up sleeves and a swagger would have gotten you over.

Monday, June 25, 2007


I was in the supermarket thinking...... would lite-soysauce be in the low sodium, or the Asian, or possibly even in the organic section? I didn't want soysauce, I just was thinking about it. And the thought struck me: why not have a regular-guy section: Where the potato chips would have lots of salt, and be so greasy they needed drip pans under the shelves. Where nothing was reduced fat. Where nothing had vitamins added. Where the salt crunched under your feet as you walked down the aisle. Where everything was "Original Recipe." I mean there was a reason for the original recipe, right? That was what made someone want to sell the food in the first place. Hey, this tastes good, let's sell it. Nobody said, hey this tastes good, let's make it with less salt and sell it.

The other thing I was thinking about was the bakers. What are the chances of running into a dyslexic baker? And if you could find one, would a baker's dozen be 31 doughnuts?

Mmmmm, doughnuts.

Canada unveils heavyweight ambulance

From Breitbart:

Healthcare officials in Calgary have unveiled a new ambulance designed for treating and transporting obese patients in an emergency, believed to be the first of its kind in this country.

The ambulance is equipped with a wide stretcher and a mechanical lift that gently raises patients weighing up to 1,000 pounds
The implication may not be obvious to everyone but I realized it right away: they're going to begin crossing the border and picking us up! Yahoo! Free healthcare.

(in anticipation of the Fairness Doctrine, from now on America will be ridiculed at least as much as Canada. France, of course, remains exempt from any restrictions)

Cindy Who?

Remember Cindy Sheehan resigning as leader of the Moonbat Society? A sortof "you won't have me to kick-around anymore" exit? I knew she couldn't let go... here's one last article, but really, the first half of the first sentence is all you need:

I wish I could say I thought of something profound as I saw.....
Only quibble: it should have been "As usual, I wish I could say I thought of something profound..."

What you didn't read..

From the Smoking Gun:

After two days on the lam, Allgier was apprehended Saturday by SWAT officers at a Salt Lake City motel.
How much trouble would it have been to add "after being spotted by a sharp-eyed motel clerk"?

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Sorry Paris

It sometimes happens. You take a little time off and some tramp gets your job.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Fake Photo?

I don't know. I find it hard to believe that Harry Reid would take an SUV to a meeting that was only a block away. I mean, think about it, why ride in a stuffy car when it's a beautiful day in DC and he's got Washington Post reporters who just love to carry him on their shoulders football-hero style?

RCT-6 E-mail Update

Blackfive is reporting that the e-mail count has gone up to 4,900. (and I'm betting getting Malkinized is the reason for the big jump) Plus a new incentive has been added to get over the top:

Sgt. Deboard writes this morning to tell us that we're at 4,970 emails. The sudden jump -- two days ago we were at 1,700 and slowing -- has gotten him wondering just how many emails will really come in.

The Marines he's been passing them out to are very pleased. They may not have time to write back, of course, but he wanted you to know it's making a difference to them.

So much of a difference, in fact, that the RCT wants to do a little something to celebrate. They've decided to send a gift to the 6,000th person to email them.

They'll fly an American flag at RCT-6 HQ, and them mail it to you. The flags will come with a certificate showing your name and the date on which it was flown. It's the Regimental Combat Team's way of showing you how much they appreciate all the support that has suddenly been flowing their way.

If they get 10,000 emails, they'll do it again for the 10,000th. And if they someday get 20,000 -- it's hard to say how many emails might eventually show up over time -- they will do it yet again.

I know none of you who've written did it with the thought that the RCT might send you something in return -- we did it for the Marines. They've noticed, though, and it's meant a lot to them.

The idea, in case you missed the first time, is to send a note of support to the Marines. Just to let them know that we support them and the sacrifice they're making for us and for America.

And I've got some advice on getting it done. Just start it. And don't even address why the anti-military, anti-America, anti-Bush side is wrong. Just tell this one Marine why you appreciate what he (or she) doing for us. I think the mail might write itself.

One problem I hadn't thought about was gender. What if your Marine turns out to be female? Best thing, I think, is to avoid gender specific pronouns and forgo the fart jokes, even if you know some hilarious ones.

The address again is:

Friday, June 22, 2007

Up North

Michelle Malkin caught Nancy Pelosi hiring Canadian boys to be in the pictures that American boys don't want to be involved with:

This is the second time she's done this. Why can't she find pictures of our soldiers? Well, at least she won't confuse our sailors with with the Canadian variant. This is the entire Canadian Navy:

please accept my apologies, no need to write

Remarkable Woman

People go on and on about how Hillary is a strong woman. By my lights, she can't compare to Pelosi, who, as you can see, is not above taking out her glass eye and throwing it at her opponent if she feels that she's losing the argument.

Oh Good, More Paris

Because you just can't get too much Paris, now comes the article about how it's almost time for her to get out. Just one or two points:

"I am behind glass and I want to give my dad a big hug and they won't even let me do that," she said. "I'm not a criminal, I'm not dangerous. ... It's hard but I'm stronger every day."
See how much she learned? Paris, the whole point is that you are a criminal. That's why they put you in jail.
Hilton has been in custody since June 3. She is housed in the special-needs unit of the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood.
Ha, "special needs." That's the section of the house that the wife keeps me in.
"I'm much more grateful for everything that I have, even just to have a pillow at night or food," she said.
Oh yes, the Cristal will taste even better now that she's familiar with Pruno, the fine prison wine, brewed in the toilet using raisins, bread, and oranges. (bet Martha Stewart sent her the recipe)

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Congressional Approval

Just a note: I see Nancy Pelosi's most ethical wonderful congress there could ever be has dropped to a 14% approval rating.

Democrat Snake Pit

You've probably seen the list of journalists who gave to political causes. Nine to one in favor of the D's sounds about right.

Should they be making political contributions? Sure, at least we can look to their contributions and tell where they're coming from. "But we honestly report the news!" Sure they do. Look at the details on the list and you can see that they're at least as honest as Bill Clinton:

(D) Fox affiliate in Washington, D.C., WTTG, Laura Evans, anchor, $500 in August 2006 to John Sarbanes, Democratic House candidate in Maryland. Evans anchors the 5 p.m. news. She is listed in FEC records by her married name, Laura Manatos.

On her blog on the station's Web site she commented recently on the Iraq war: " Everyone's trying to save face here ... all the while people are dying. Didn't voters in November speak loud and clear, saying they're tired of the fighting and want an end in sight?"

When first contacted by, Evans said her husband, lobbyist Mike Manatos, "actually made the contribution, and the check was written on our account."

But the records show that her husband had already given the legal limit to Sarbanes. He couldn't legally contribute more. When asked about those records, she said, "I hadn't talked to my husband. He reminded me that he had actually talked to me about this, because he had maxed out, could we write a check in my name. I said, 'Sure.' Now I remember having this conversation. It's within Fox policy, it was OK for me to do it."

Fox does allow news employees to make political contributions.
You believe her? Yeah me either. And there's this one:
(D) CBS News, Serena Altschul, contributing correspondent for "CBS Sunday Morning," $5,000 to the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee in October 2004. She was a correspondent for CBS from 2003 to 2006.

A CBS spokeswoman said Altschul "did some checking with family members, and the contribution was in fact made in her name."

A year after this donation, CBS tightened its policy to forbid all political activity.
Ah, "made in her name" infers that it was some other family member who was behind the contribution. But what do you want to bet that if you could press the issue, it would come out that it was "in fact written with her pen" and "technically written with her fingers holding her pen" and even "possibly written as she chanted: he-played-on-our-fears he-played-on-our-fears..."

So this list is telling us two things: One, the media is largely liberal. (big surprise) And two, they think we're stupid.

***Update: More evidence that they think we're stupid from James Taranto:
Then there's Randy Cohen, who writes the "Ethicist" column for the New York Times and gave $585 to, an Angry Left Group":

Cohen said he thought of as nonpartisan....


Wednesday, June 20, 2007

New and Improved

The New and Improved Lumberjacks has Haloscan handling the comments.

Good news, at least for now you don't have to type in those squiggly letters to comment. Bad news, the old comments have vanished. I was able to cut and paste some but most of them sleep with the fishes. Sorry.


I read the Corner most days. All the contributers are articulate & well educated. So it's a great place to gain insight into the political goings on in this country. Odd then that every once in awhile they digress into discussions of Battle Star Galactica or, as happened today, hair-whorl direction as an indicator of homosexuality.

Now who doesn't know that this is hooey? The fact is, if at any time you're in the position to say, "Hey Bob, as long as you're back there, can you tell me which way my hair whorls?" then, you're gay.

Got Time to Write?

Matt at Blackfive passes on a request:

One of the requests that they had of us was to attempt to get 6,000 positive and supportive emails - one for each Marine, Sailor and Soldier in the Marine Regimental Combat Team - 6. [Iraq] Grim, our resident thinker and former Marine at Blackfive, has taken responsibility for this project.
From Grim's interview with Marine Colonel Simcock, Commander of RCT-6:
COL. SIMCOCK: (Chuckles.) I'll tell you what, the one thing that all Marines want to know about — and that includes me and everyone within Regimental Combat Team 6 — we want to know that the American public are behind us. We believe that the actions that we're taking over here are very, very important to America. We're fighting a group of people that, if they could, would take away the freedoms that America enjoys.

If anyone — you know, just sit down, jot us — throw us an e- mail, write us a letter, let us know that the American public are behind us. Because we watch the news just like everyone else. It's broadcast over here in our chow halls and the weight rooms, and we watch that stuff, and we're a little bit concerned sometimes that America really doesn't know what's going on over here, and we get sometimes concerns that the American public isn't behind us and doesn't see the importance of what's going on. So that's something I think that all Marines, soldiers and sailors would like to hear from back home, that in fact, yes, they think what we're doing over here is important and they are in fact behind us .

Sounds like an important thing to do if you've got the time. The address is:


Techworld has an article on the carbon economics of recycling:

Looked at this way recycling is no way to reduce global warming. In fact, by increasing energy use, it worsens it.

GreenPeace and Friends of the Earth would want us to increase recycling rates, as does the EEC, because .... well why? Okay, waste is a shame and Chinese tearing computer components apart by hand and smelting them for precious metals releases hazardous substances in the air but ....
I'm still not buying that CO2 causes poor tender Gaia to get warmer. But I agree: sending your keyboards to China and your newspapers to the same landfill on a different truck only puts more CO2 into the air. Aluminum cans may be the sole exception, only because it takes huge energy to make new aluminum.

Also, how much energy goes into producing all those celebrity Priuses (Priie?) that only get driven once a month to inflate the owner's smug-factor?

h/t: Tom Pechinski

Mother Earth is Opening Up a Can of Whupass

It's almost cute:

"Earth Mother is fighting back -- not only from the four winds but also from underneath," he said. "Scientists call it global warming. We call it Earth Mother getting angry."
Native Americans are jumping on the everybody's-carbon-footprint-but-my-own bandwagon. My only wonder is why it took so long. Specifically, I've been waiting for the "crying Indian":
Those who study Native American culture believe their presence in the debate could be influential. They point to "The Crying Indian," one of the country's most influential public-service TV ads.

In the spot, actor Iron Eyes Cody, in a buckskin suit, paddles a canoe up a trash-strewn urban creek, then stands by a busy highway cluttered with litter. The ad ends with a close-up of Cody, shedding a single tear after a passing motorist throws trash at his feet.
Yes! Except of course, the crying "Indian" wasn't:
That "crying Indian," as he would later sometimes be referred to, was Iron Eyes Cody, an actor who throughout his life claimed to be of Cherokee/Cree extraction. Yet his asserted ancestry was just as artificial as the tear that rolled down his cheek in that television spot — the tear was glycerine, and the "Indian" a second-generation Italian-American.
How fitting. A faux crisis should be championed by a faux Indian.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The World Will End in 2060, According to Newton

That's what the Drudge headline says anyway. I didn't follow the link but I'm sure that somehow my carbon footprint is involved.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

Andrew Sullivan goes off half-cocked again:

My Sunday Times column is on what Gaza and the West Bank tell us about the limits of democratic transformation in the Arab world.
If an armed uprising against the government means you're not ready for democracy, does that mean that South America isn't ready for democracy. Wait, and Central America, Africa, wait, North America, and Europe.... Wait, is nobody ready for democracy? What Andrew is saying, is that it used to be that democracy was something that had to be fought for, that freedom used to have to be earned, but now, well if you can't get it off the shelf like a bag of Cheetos, or in Andrews case, an extra large bag of Cheetos, well then it's not worth the bother. We don't want the world to be like that, so it won't be.

Like the climate, yes, it used to be changeable but we decided we didn't like that situation. We would like it like this, please. Don't speak to us of the way things used to work.

Inflamed, Inshlamed

Bacon goes on Sale! $1.00-off per pound! Muslim World Inflamed!

Silly, but no sillier than: Muslim world inflamed by Rushdie knighthood. I mean, come on. Has a world-wide Race to Be Most Aggrieved begun and I missed the starting gun? Hey grow up, Muslim world. Why should you care about a twenty year old book that nobody would have heard of were it not for your whining.

Know why Christians aren't going after that "artist" whose claim to fame was a crucifix in a jar of urine? Because we've already forgotten who he (she?) is. He, or she, could have gone on to larger, greater, works like Dog Collar in Jar of Urine, or Tennis Ball Floating in Urine, but I'd never know about it. It just isn't important enough to make it to my radar.

But the modern (late 11th century) Muslim has time to still be enraged by Salman Rushdie? Because what? He insulted your prophet? Hey, Muslims are being blown up in Iraq. Your mosques are being bombed and your anger is for this hairy English writer? Why is it that largely non-Muslim coalition forces are the only ones who care about the bombings? "Oh yes, we would be plenty torqued off but first we must avenge these cartoons," or "Bombing mosques is unfortunate but it doesn't rise to the level of, say, a book we haven't read."

Could the real reason that Muslims get all huffy about Salman Rushdie be that, well, they think they could take him. You know, he's 60, a little overweight, a civilian not accustomed to physical labor or probably even exercise. Same as Theo Van Gogh only older, yeah, maybe it's the target that determines the outrage. "But it's harder to be angry at other Muslims who might shoot back."

***Update: And while I've got photoshop out anyway-

photo stolen from the conservative firecracker

Monday, June 18, 2007

Let's Revert to the League of Nations

It's comforting that the pre-UN, the League of Nations, could never even agree on a flag. This UN agrees on all the wrong things:

UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon said that the slaughter in Darfur was triggered by global climate change and that more such conflicts may be on the horizon, in an article published Saturday......

"It is no accident that the violence in Darfur erupted during the drought," Ban said in the Washington daily.

When Darfur's land was rich, he said, black farmers welcomed Arab herders and shared their water, he said.
Right. Because we all know that Arabs get along with everyone when the weather is cool. Ban Ki-moon gets his digs in, but should have come right out and said it, "The world was in good shape until George Bush parched the Arabs." And the Bush-ruined-everything theme seems to be something the UN can agree on. I say shut them down and give the turtles back their bay.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Palestinian Sense of Humor

How very odd they can be:

In their first order since seizing control of the Gaza Strip, Hamas Islamists banned gunmen from wearing masks - unless they are shooting at Israel.

The masks have become commonplace in the Gaza Strip during weeks of factional fighting between the ruling Hamas movement and President Mahmoud Abbas's secular Fatah faction.

Both sides wore the masks to hide their identities.

“A decision was taken last night to prevent (people from wearing) masks,” Khaled Abu Hilal, a spokesman for the Hamas-controlled Interior Ministry, said.
If you're a gunman wearing a mask you're either Fatah or Hamas, friend or foe. So what are they going to do to enforce the ban? Shoot at the mask wearers? They'd either be shooting at their own guys or shooting at the guys they'd be shooting at anyway.

I'm reminded of that, "We embrace death the way you embrace life," quote. In that case, go for the group hug.

Friday, June 15, 2007

That Jolie Thing

Everyone is talking about her weird contracts with interviewers, and animosity towards Fox News, and her general nuttiness.... But what gets me is the tattoos.

It's like God gave her a Lamborghini and she added chrome mud flaps and one of those pine tree air fresheners.

This Internet Thing

Another one I didn't read; who needs more than the headline -
CLAIM: One in five people on Earth has internet... OK, but how many is that when you take out the Viagra salesmen? One in ten? twenty?

Anyway, don't know why, but it made me realize something - I'm currently looking at switching from my cable company. I won't mention them by name but their name rhymes with "comcast". Whoa, look at that. They're spelled the same as the word they rhyme with. Wonder how often that happens?

So, the thing I realized is that my phone company may soon be offering TV (and internet) over fiber optics. This would be great, except for the fact that the phone company has even worse customer service than the cable company. And here I really won't mention them by name because I've heard Verizon can be very vindictive. I shudder to think what life would be like on their "B" list.

That aside, the whole who-to-use question gets stickier when you consider that Comcast is offering phone service now. And they're cheaper than Verizon. But Verizon may offer cheaper TV and internet than Comcast. So what to do? Get TV from the phone company, and phone service from the cable company? Sure, that makes sense. Where do I get electricity then, from the water utility? Don't get me wrong, I'm modern, I can adapt. And if it makes sense to get TV from the phone company, and Phone service from the TV company, well, I'll do it. I just fear the day when I forget to pay the phone bill, and I won't know who to call, or what to call them on. "Honey, the TV's not working."
"OK, we'll move again and start over."

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Nancy's Take

Thank goodness we have psychic democrats. Nancy and Harry's analysis:

Top US congressional Democrats bluntly told President George W. Bush Wednesday that his Iraq troop "surge" policy was a failure.

Senate Majority leader Harry Reid and House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi challenged the president over Iraq by sending him a letter, ahead of a White House meeting later on Wednesday.

"As many had forseen, the escalation has failed to produce the intended results," the two leaders wrote.

"The increase in US forces has had little impact in curbing the violence or fostering political reconciliation.
OK, all well and good. It's to be expected that Nancy and Harry aren't happy with their cornflakes after their first attempt to abandon the Iraqi people failed. But what tickled me about this article was this, a little further down the page:
The next critical point in the showdown between Bush and Congress over Iraq is expected in September, when US commander in Iraq David Petraeus is due to report on progress in the strategy to "surge" up to 30,000 more US troops into the war-ravaged nation.
"The results are in and we will soon be making the measurements." Hard to understand how we made it through World War II, without Harry and Nancy to warn us that men were dying on the beaches of Normandy.

John Mayer Meets Isaac Newton

The short version, now with more cowbell:

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Ketchup With That?

If we can just get the polar bears to eat the global warming explorers, that'd be half the problem solved.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Terrorists in Suits

Washington Times:

Membership in the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) has declined more than 90 percent since the 2001 terrorist attacks, Audrey Hudson will report in Tuesday's editions of The Washington Times.
According to tax documents obtained by The Times, the number of reported members spiraled down from more than 29,000 in 2000 to less than 1,700 in 2006, a loss of membership that caused the Muslim rights group's annual income from dues to drop from $732,765 in 2000, when yearly dues cost $25, to $58,750 last year, when the group charged $35.
The organization instead is relying on about two dozen individual donors a year to contribute the majority of the money for CAIR's budget, which reached nearly $3 million last year.
Asked about the decline, Parvez Ahmed, CAIR board chairman, said, "Well, we're a terrorist front group, what the hell did you expect?"
Alright, he didn't really say that; I just made that up. But the numbers are real. Isn't it odd that the general public seems to have gotten CAIR's number but big media (BM) still quotes them as if they spoke for a large group of people?

Monday, June 11, 2007

Religion of What?

The perspicacious James Taranto notes a story on the removal of inflammatory religious books from our prison system, and wonders if political correctness is responsible for Christian texts being removed along with the radical Islamic texts that were the original target:

If the plaintiffs' allegations are true, it would appear that the federal government is trying to treat Muslim and Christian texts "equally," even though they are not equivalent in their effects on inmates.(Has anyone ever heard of a prisoner converting to Christianity and consequently becoming more violent?)
And really, it doesn't feel quite right to have the government judge religions, but these guys are just asking for it:
MOSUL, Iraq (AFP) - A Chaldaean Catholic priest and three of his assistants were shot dead on Sunday outside a church in northern Iraq, the local police commander said.

Brigadier General Mohammed al-Wagaa, police chief in the divided northern city of Mosul, told AFP that the cleric and his colleagues had been shot dead outside the Holy Spirit church in the Nur district.

"They finished mass at 7.30 pm (1530 GMT) tonight, and the four of them got into the priest's car to drive away. After they had gone about 100 metres (yards) a car cut them off. Four armed men got out and shot them dead," he said.
It's odd that I heard about these martyrs in church and not from the news media. (though I concede that the story could have been there and just escaped my attention.... did you see it?) But one thing I'm sure of, this would have been front-page stuff if it had been Christians murdering Muslim clerics.

And of course it's not just in Iraq. Any place you find Muslims you find murder. In Thailand they kill Buddhists, in the Middle East they kill Christians and Jews. Hell, they even kill other Muslims who they deem to be of the wrong flavor:
A man was walking across a bridge one day, and he saw another man standing on the edge, about to jump off and commit suicide. He immediately ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" the other replied.

The man said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"


"Me too! Are you Muslim, Christian or Jewish?"


"Me too! Sunni or Shi'ite?"


"Me too! Hanafi, Hanbali, Shafi or Maliki?"


"Wow! Me too! Do you follow Sheikh Fulaan al-Fullani or Sheikh Kaza Kazah?"

"Sheikh Fulaan al-Fullani."

To which the first man said, "What?!! Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

Can Money Buy Happiness?

Scientists (what would we do without them?) say yes:

It is one of the most pondered questions of all time - can money buy happiness?

The answer, according to a study, is yes - but so can friendships and successful relationships.

Researchers have been trying to calculate what effect our finances and lifestyle have on our emotions.

Their main source was a survey of 10,000 Britons, who were asked to rate their level of happiness and answer questions on their wealth, health and social relations.
And this is news? My advice? Wait for it to go on sale from a local shop. Don't make the mistake I did. I got mine at Sam's Club, where sure, the unit price was great, but I wound up with much more than I could ever use.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Who Can't See the Disney Lawsuit Coming?

***Update: Answer to a question. It's Tigger. Or at least it seems so to me. I assume Disney will be suing God for infringing on their copyrighted image, though to my mind, God's one-upped them with this ridiculous looking guy.

(and thanks for the question.. most people just assume I'm off the meds and let the confusing posts abide)

Friday, June 08, 2007

Not My Doing

Seems just as I make up my mind to be nicer to Paris, others become more cruel.

And the sketch artist showed his mean side as well:

I Knew It

See, I knew Paris was going to fall apart and ruin this whole party. It was just too much fun, saying, "See, your rank and privilege have limits. You have to go to the same jails that we do." And by "we", I don't mean all Lumberjack readers, just those of us who have been caught and convicted - as for the others: congrats on your ability to thwart justice.

Course I was happy when they sent her home. I thought it'd mean more opportunities for derision. But there was that nagging report of a "medical condition". Well, a medical condition could be a sham, or it could be real. If it's just another attempt to game the system, then it's one more thing to make fun of. But if it's real, well, then the wife, the postman, and my dentist are right: I'm a jackass.

I clicked on over to Shrinkwrapped to see if the doctor had an opinion on this situation but he hasn't weighed in yet. Probably, he is waiting for facts, which is OK I suppose, but you know, isn't really my style. There could easily be a medical term for Paris's affliction: profound frailty syndrome, or vulnerability disorder, or something. One thing I can see from the picture though, the girl is taking this harder than needs be. Doesn't that picture make you want to put your arms around her, pat her back, and "there-there" her? Yeah, me too.

So I'm going to possibly cool it with the Paris thrashing for awhile. God knows she's got her plate full at the moment. And she's not helping the situation with the waterworks. Cry on your way into the cell-block and you'll be fluffing the pillows of the Aryan Brotherhood by lights-out.

Dealing with the Government

This is how I'm starting every conversation with the IRS: "I'm sitting here with a box of baby bunnies and I'm going to strangle one every 5 minutes until you solve my problem."

And this is how they answer every time, "I'm going to put you on hold."

As I type I'm on hold.... no I'm not. Now I've been disconnected.

Prison Diary

The LA Times has gotten their hands on Paris Hilton's prison diary:

Lately I'm identifying with the Jews and all the horrible things that happened to them during Vietnam.....

Brick said to me today, "Ya know, I stayed in a Marriott once. And truth be told, I'd rather stay in prison."

We both laughed. And then she beat me up.

ht: Tim Blair

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Al Gore Warned Us

We can't say we were never warned. Al Gore told us the signs of the pending global face-melt: 1. Polar Bears would be seen in the water and on icebergs. 2. Hurricanes would get more frequent, or less frequent. and 3. Colorful parrots would start eating Asian women.

I think he calls it the tipping point. Get your affairs in order.

Seen This One?

Sometimes it's just not your day.

The guy looks awfully calm for having been "pushed eastbound on Red Arrow Highway near Paw Paw, Mich., Wednesday, June 6, 2007, for four miles (6.4 kilometers) at about 50 mph"

This reminded me of Forklift Driver Klaus. Here he is for those of you who haven't seen the video. The mayhem starts about 4 minutes in. (warning, graphic, really cool physical carnage)

Help the Environment, Burn Down a Building

Here's one I'm late on: Enviro-Terrorists get a slap on the wrist. Well, no, not literal slaps on the wrist, but I fail to see the difference between Arab terrorists and ones from Eugene. When you start a fire on purpose it's attempted murder of a fireman, plain and simple. The fact that you did it to make a political point just makes it worse. These sociopaths should be old and gray before they ever see another gas can.

Criminal Justice

A sheriff's spokesman acknowledged that there was "the perception of preferential treatment," but promised, "I can assure you that the next celebrity we get through here will be 'thrashed righteously.'"

watch your step Nick


click to enhuginize

Get the Story Straight

More Global Warming ate my homework news:

Droves of cats and kittens are swarming into animal shelters nationwide, and global warming is to blame, according to one pet adoption group.

Several shelters operated by a national adoption organization called Pets Across America reported a 30 percent increase in intakes of cats and kittens from 2005 to 2006, and other shelters across the nation have reported similar spikes of stray, owned and feral cats.

The cause of this feline flood is an extended cat breeding season thanks to the world’s warming temperatures, according to the group....
OK let's get the story straight. Even Al Gore, who regularly stops walking and takes off his shoes to see if his toenails are on fire yet, doesn't claim more than a fraction of a degree change per decade at this point. So claiming that a fraction of a degree average change made a difference in cat behavior is silly.
(filed under: meow, I dunno, what do you want to do?)

***Update: From the spectacular James Taranto:
We were wondering just how much global temperatures went up between 2005 and 2006, so we checked with NASA. It turns out the average global temperature actually declined by 0.09 degrees centigrade. Maybe the cats had to go into heat to keep warm.

Paris Gets Out

So apparently we couldn't take it anymore and we decided it was best to release Paris before she broke a nail or something. That was quick.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

We've All Been There

So this is hardly news:

NEW YORK (AP) - A man has sued the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not subside and caused him to be hospitalized.

The lawsuit filed by Christopher Woods of New York said he bought the nutrition beverage made by the pharmaceutical company Novartis AG at a drugstore on June 5, 2004, and drank it.

Woods' court papers say he woke up the next morning "with an erection that would not subside" and sought treatment that day for the condition, called severe priapism.
What jumped out at me was the guys name. No, not jumped out at me, like jumped out, at me, just jumped out at, know what? never mind.

***Update: I should probably clarify. When I say "we've all been there," I mean I've been there. Same exact thing happened to me, except it wasn't a vitamin-enriched energy drink, it was a chocolate shake from Burger King. And it wasn't an intractable, you-know, situation I got, it was a Star Wars action figure. Other than that though.... same thing.


From News of the Weird:

Least Competent Criminals
Claude White, 34, was arrested in April in Elizabethton, Tenn., and charged with stealing a forklift, which sheriff's deputies later found overturned in the middle of a road, but with a pair of shoes and socks trapped underneath. Around the same time, a call came from Sycamore Shoals Hospital about a patient (White) telling an odd story of how he had suffered a foot-mangling (but not mentioning a forklift). By that time, however, deputies had found an exact match for the patient's missing toe, inside the sock that was inside the shoe that was underneath the forklift. [WSMV-TV (Nashville), 4-3-07]
Oh man, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007


I'm not sure if Barack Obama is issuing a threat, or what:

HAMPTON, Va. (AP) - Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama said Tuesday that the Bush administration has done nothing to defuse a "quiet riot" among blacks that threatens to erupt just as riots in Los Angeles did 15 years ago.

The first-term Illinois senator said that with black people from New Orleans and the Gulf Coast still displaced 20 months after Hurricane Katrina, frustration and resentments are building explosively as they did before the 1992 riots.
If it is a threat, it's stupid. You saw what threats like that did for Ségolène Royal, right? But never mind that. Just what is Bambi asking for? Does he want the federal government to build homes in New Orleans? Does every resident have to move back for none to be displaced? Because I'll tell you what, if I had been a New Orleans resident who had been wiped out by Katrina, I wouldn't ever be moving back to live below sea level in a hurricane zone. And I don't know, but I'd hope that I'd be getting back on my feet after two years of government help. I mean just how much help is needed?

Of course it's devastating to lose everything. But sooner or later you have to get on with your life. Most likely, that means a different job in a different town. It's a losing proposition to wait for a government moving van to come take you to live in a government house.

PopPop RIP

Well, the Lumberdad-in-law passed away last night, after a good bit of ill health. Still, it was a surprise. And also bad: the lumberwife was with the kid and some school friends at the beach. This was not a call I wanted to make at 2:00 AM. And it wasn't the call anyone wants to get at any time, ever.

God bless Johnny. The pain of this last year is over. Thanks for the wife, and for being a good pop-pop to my kid. You did good.

The souls of the just are in the hand of God, and no torment shall touch them.

Funny Girl

Because it's cute. But also because it's an excuse for another Paris picture:

"In the future," reads a statement from Paris Hilton, "I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make."
Like her first excuse that her publicist told her it was ok to drive. "But it was the girl who does my nails who suggested that a running chainsaw in the front seat would be a good idea. I should speak up when I suspect these people are wrong!"

Hillary Clinton Eats a Puppy, Says, "Yummy"

The headline reads: "Stem cell treatment 'to cure blindness in five years'", but the article goes no further than: "It is marvellous to think that clinical trials could start within five years."

Big deal? No, but it irks that most people won't read the article, and will come away with the impression that great cures are happening due to embryonic stem cells. Course, the impression has already been given that President Bush has somehow outlawed stem cell research in the US. And that polar bears are drowning. So why fight it? I'll use my opponent's tactics against him. And be content that at least a few people will see the title of this post in Google search results and think, "Again? I really wish she wouldn't do that."

Castro Looking Better

Well, at least he's getting his color back.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Caged Heat

Imagine this: you've been doing time for bad checks, haven't had a drink in three months, have to sleep on a cot to the sound of snoring bears, and now they're making you tidy up the jail for this skinny rich girl, who is actually going to look good in her prison jumpsuit/potato-sack.

Man, I hope Paris has lots of menthols.