Favorite Things

Q: What's a child ghost's favorite thing?
A: I scream.

Q: What's an alcoholic ghost's favorite thing?
A: Boos.

thanks: lumberbrudi

Rule Different

fail different

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The Walken Dead

Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream...

Odd Welcome

"OK Children, don't forget to yell SURPRISE!"

No idea who made this one.

Is Obama a Vampire?

There, I asked the question. For me it was never a question of a birth certificate; obviously he was born. I just wonder if he's a vampire, or possibly a reverse vampire. Where's the proof? You want proof? Here's proof:


The man has obviously removed every mirror from the White House.

Clown School

First Lady Michelle Obama poses for a group photo with students from John Sexton Elementary School, Thursday, Oct. 27, 2011, at the Tampa International Airport in Tampa, Fla. The St. Petersburg, Fla. , school received an award from the Alliance for a Healthier Generation, one of only five schools to receive the 2010-2011 award and the only school to receive the silver award. Mrs. Obama met with the students before a Democratic fundraiser.

Do you see what happened? Somebody got a last minute call: "The First Lady is coming to our school! Quick, grab the petty cash box and go buy ties for the boys."

I rename you: The John Sexton School for Children Who Should be Kept Away From Running Machinery.

photo via

Drudge

Drudge must do it on purpose:

Intel chief hospitalized after thrown out window...

My first thought was that those AMD guys must be some tough SOBs.

Turns out the story was about Qaddafi's intelligence chief.

We Will NOT Feed the Homeless

So I guess that makes them the middle 94%.

Share the wealth 1%! The soup kitchen is that way, professional homeless people. This food is way too good for you.

Oh, in unrelated food news, I found this:

Half a Shop

Someone else did the fine Ronald McDonald photoshop. I just used it as an excuse to get the old Obama Joker face out again.

Fresh

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The Wrath of Kevin

caution - a bit of profanity in there, but it's partly drowned out by the whine

How This Country Became Great

It's not fair that all the bricks should go to those who made them and fired them. What if you're not suited to brick making? What if clay makes your hands icky and you just don't like it?

In colonial times the Founding Occupiers made sure that wealth was distributed equitably. Every Occupier got at least one brick, though sometimes they were broken. It depended on how far away they were when the brick was thrown.

Twinkle Feet!

Occupy this, DC:

The protesters have agreed upon 16 guidelines, which include respecting one another, not inhibiting another person’s right to speak, and keeping the space clean. Guideline number 10 reads, “Don’t assume gender. When possible, go with gender-neutral pronouns.”

To keep the noise level down, protesters use hand signals instead of vocal commands to demonstrate opinion. “Twinkle fingers,” performed by wiggling fingers at ear level, shows approval. “Fact check,” which imitates the rapid-fire of two revolvers, requests a confirmation of logistics. The “block”, which brings the forearms into an X shape, “is very powerful, very rare. It shows your opposition to a proposal is very strong, and that you think the proposal goes against the guidelines so strongly that you would be prepared to leave the movement over it,” a protester explained to the crowd.

I was willing to bet that the twinkle-fingers guy (er, person) was an aberration. What is the hand-sign for 'let's all go home now'? I vote for the butt scratch.

Clearly these people haven't thought through what camping out over the winter will involve. There are weather days in DC where I resent having to be out for a day.

Elle, representing the medical community, requested more people to help with the medical tent. She made it clear that the tent cannot fill personal prescriptions, adding, “currently, that’s just the way it is.”

Sure Elle, currently; as if that situation could change. As if you could stock a pharmacy and keep it intact in a tent in the middle of DC.

Anyway Elle, think where you are. Aren't there a half dozen of the best hospitals in the world within a half-hour's drive? What, that's just for emergencies? And you think that routine visits are best done in a tent with no equipment? No twinkle fingers for you.

Clearly Occupy has entered the insane clown phase of its growth. Next comes denial. Or first comes denial, I forget. And anger. We have the anger covered and if Tom from Sanitation is to believed, the bathroom situation should keep the anger up for awhile. The whining phase has been ongoing and is expected to peak sometime this winter.

Annual Fun-Bar Countdown

The Annual Fun-Bar Countdown has begun. I've got two huge bags of "fun-sized" candy bars for Halloween. Chances are I'll enter rebuy mode in a few days.

If the past is any indication, I'll be down to apples, pennies, and pop tarts by the time the first trick-or-treater shows up. And if we get more than a dozen kids, some of them will be going home with sweet potatoes.

Magic

Special effects must be involved: I've bought a dozen Rubik's cubes over the years and they're always broken.

The Great Escape

These two seem too focused and aware of their surroundings. I suspect they're little people in toddler costumes.

Har

from reddit

Answer: Neutrinos

Just in case the faster than light thing proves true - the question will follow a month from now.

***Update:

The Cold is Coming

Probably an entire pain in the butt in real life but it looks like a great idea. ("if it's a pain in the butt, you're wearing it wrong.")

Best Abstract Ever

Also - there's been a failure to duplicate the phenomenon in Italy, where they eat pasta and like their neutrinos to behave.

h/t: Shelton, (also should have been h/t'ed on the next post, or possibly, last post, depending on your stance on the direction of time)

Texting Can Wait

You intuitively know this makes sense, right? Even those of you who text and drive know it:

ABU DHABI // A dramatic fall in traffic accidents this week has been directly linked to the three-day disruption in BlackBerry services.

In Dubai, traffic accidents fell 20 per cent from average rates on the days BlackBerry users were unable to use its messaging service. In Abu Dhabi, the number of accidents this week fell 40 per cent and there were no fatal accidents....

"Absolutely nothing has happened in the past week in terms of killings on the road and we're really glad about that," Brig Gen Al Harethi said. "People are slowly starting to realise the dangers of using their phone while driving. The roads became much safer when BlackBerry stopped working."

The precise statistics for traffic accidents in the two emirates this week were not revealed to The National.

The dangers of using mobile phones while driving was tragically highlighted by the death of the UAE international footballer Theyab Amana. He crashed his car two weeks ago into the rear of a road-painting lorry near Sheikh Zayed Bridge in Abu Dhabi, reportedly while using a BlackBerry. His mourning father urged motorists not to use phones while driving.

I'm sure there are libertarians who oppose text-driving laws anyway, but I disagree. Motorcycle helmet laws are different. There you are pretty much only gambling with your own life. It's pretty clear though that text-driving endangers everyone on the road.

(course, I don't feel endangered by text-drivers. I mainly object to it because of the "get out of my lane before I have to run you into the ditch and beat you with my tire iron" aspects)

Bankers

Chase bank sent me an offer the other day. They want me to refinance, for free, no closing costs, at a lower rate. OK sure, I think, but my mortgage is with Chase. So either they are the worst businessmen in the world or there is some significant difference in the proposed new contract. On top of that, the new offer has the Big Red Flag of the deception business: the limited time stipulation.

The first thing I think of when I get limited time offers is that the offer maker doesn't want me to think it over. "There's no time to think. Just sign the paper."

Anyway, a lady just called to follow-up. So I asked her why they wanted to make this brilliant alteration. She said that it was a retention effort; they want to keep their good Chase customers. OK fine. They want to keep me now, but in eleven days they won't care so much anymore?

But two can play at this game. Tomorrow I'm calling Chase to offer to refinance. But, (but!) only if I can pay a higher rate than I'm paying now. And they'll have to act quickly. When they balk, I'll start lowering my proposed increase.

Either that or maybe I'll just wait until a day after the offer expires; then call and plead for another chance.

Orange Pants

It's OK to wear orange pants. It's ok to bend over in the pumpkin patch. But when you do both, you're inviting the kind of incident we had yesterday, in which Secret Service agents risked heat exhaustion from repeatedly having to wrestle shoppers to the ground.

photo via

Herman Cain Has Talent

What do you want? A one dimensional changist in chief whose only talent is finding deceptive ways to say "stimulus," or a man who can do this:



Justin Credible is trying to tell me that this is someone named Michael Winslow. Yeah right. Never heard of a nom de guerre? (french origin, literally "delicious guerre") Anyway, I like it. And if you don't, you're a racist.

First Fast Neutrinos, Now This

The results are in. Using volumetric analysis and all the
latest methods of scientifipacation, it now appears that
ten pounds of manure can be put into a five pound bag.

I Was Wondering

It's good to know that the president thinks (auto-start video) we've made all the right moves regarding the economy. It's odd that all the right moves didn't work, but anyway, I was wondering what the move after this next stimulus should be.

I mean, a trillion dollar stimulus didn't work - didn't even seem to budge unemployment. So, maybe borrowing and spending 447 billion dollars more is the exact right next thing to do. Sure. But I was wondering if maybe, in the interest of saving time, we shouldn't decide on how much the third stimulus should be now, just on the one-in-a-million chance that the second stimulus doesn't result in us all eating lobster, drinking champagne, and lighting big cigars with hundred dollar bills.

And another thought: what about Stimulus IV? and Stimulus V? If we can decide on the numbers now, think how much of a head start we'll have on Stimulus VI. (and note: the use of Roman numerals will make keeping track of them easier, like the Rocky movies)

They'll Probably Say It was Photoshopped

Though they were ready to lay down their lives for the
president, and some of them were willing to tell him that he was
talking into an old shoe; not one of the Secret Service agents was
prepared to tell him that he was holding it wrong-way-round.

***Oh, also:

“The most important thing we can do right now is those of us in leadership letting people know that we understand their struggles and we are on their side, and that we want to set up a system in which hard work, responsibility, doing what you’re supposed to do, is rewarded,” Obama tells ABC News. “And that people who are irresponsible, who are reckless, who don’t feel a sense of obligation to their communities and their companies and their workers that those folks aren’t rewarded.”

When he gets off the shoe, someone should remind the president that that's what we had till he showed up with his Hope and Change.

Time

Math Class

OK I changed them up a bit.

Even making fun of them is getting boring.

***Update:


There. Now it's fun again.

Free Lunch

Happy diners look on as President Obama arranges (through
a complex series of Chinese bonds and stimulus grants) for little
Bobby Klein to pick up the lunch tab for the entire restaurant.

photo via

The Man Who Was Thursday

Who's got time on their hands? I know, me either. But if you do, here's a free diversion. It's The Man Who Was Thursday (A Nightmare) by G. K. Chesterton.

I just read it to remind myself of the anarchists of Chesterton's time. I had the vague recollection that they were much more scary than our current domestic crop of mask wearers. Well, it started out as an anarchist refresher, but it ended up as another excuse to kill time with an author I like. It's fiction, so really, I couldn't defend my time wasting as research. The Man Who Was Thursday is just a good read, and like most Chesterton, it's (potentially) food for your soul.

The Chevron Maneuver

If I was an anarchist smash-the-state type, I'd be pretty uncomfortable knowing that the president was on my side:

“Dr King would want us to challenge the excesses of Wall Street without demonising those who work there.” Mr Obama had previously said the protests “express the frustration” of ordinary Americans with the financial sector.

As a black man, I suppose Obama knows what Dr King would want. Not being a King scholar myself, and being white, I must confess ignorance as to Dr King's stance on white middle-class college kids crapping on cop cars.

What the president seems to be doing here is what I call the Chevron maneuver. I first noticed the move years ago: an ad appears implying "yes, these fossil fuels are very troubling and that's why we're so concerned, and that's why we're dedicating an entire twentieth of a percent of our operating budget to polishing butterflies in the Amazon." So it sort of comes out "we're the good polluters."

Richard Branson is a master of the Chevron. He's happy to tell you about the extraordinary steps he's taking to lighten his airplanes and cut back on deadly CO2. What he doesn't mention is that every airline does the same; and CO2 has got nothing to do with it. Fuel savings is the real driver. (the math goes like this: save 5 pounds on a seat X the number of seats on the plane X the number of flights per day = a buttload of fuel savings) So Branson does what everyone in the industry does, but non critical thinkers give him a pass on producing megatons of CO2, and actually swear they see the beginnings of a halo over his head.

So Obama, the biggest crony capitalist we've seen in the White House, says in effect: "Yes, these guys are bad, but we must be careful not to demonize the donors, er, I mean individuals." Not mentioning that it was Democrats that steered Fanny and Freddy into the rocky waters, and it was Obama that administered TARP.

"No more bailouts! Except this next one!" ("you know, and except as needed!")

And it's a good move. Do you expect any Wall Street crappers to notice the irony in the Bail-outer-in-Chief joining their chants of No More Bailouts?

Oh speaking of chants and cheers: Wall Street workers need to throw out the occasional "What do we want? - When do we want it?" as they go in to work. The what-do-we-want is an old standby in the protest biz, but this crew is probably the least qualified to answer that question ever. What do we want? Debt Forgiveness! Free Bicycles! Organic Corn! Inter Species Marriage! A Deodorant that Prevents Tooth Decay! Unicorns!

Even a Stopped Clock...

Word is that Obama is sending 100 troops to support the hunt for Joseph Kony and the LRA. Some on the right are under the impression that the LRA is a Christian army, but they're not. The LRA is Christian like Stimulus 2 is a jobs bill. They only call themselves Christian. They abduct children for their army. They rape. They murder. They're not Christian.

The Dog Ate Obama's Homework

Charles Krauthammer paints a clear picture of where Obama's at, and where he's going. You should read the whole thing:

What do you do if you can’t run on your record — on 9 percent unemployment, stagnant growth, and ruinous deficits as far as the eye can see? How to run when you are asked whether Americans are better off than they were four years ago and you are compelled to answer no?

Play the outsider. Declare yourself the underdog. Denounce Washington as if the electorate hasn’t noticed that you’ve been in charge of it for nearly three years.

But above all: Find villains.

If You're Unhappy with America, Point Up

I couldn't help but notice it was Point at the sky day on Drudge just now.

Ahmadinejad: "I don't give one single damn for America."
Obama: "I don't give one single damn for America."
Pelosi: "One more thing, my husband, a real estate
developer and investment banker, stands to make
millions of dollars in a previously undisclosed residential
real estate project in California as a partner with the father of a
woman I helped to become ambassador to Hungary."

Occupy This!

via

Abe Lincoln - Armed and Dangerous

not my doing - from here, I think

If it Sparkles and Twinkles

Hilarious, hat-tip: J-Dawg over at NRO:



Reminds me of an episode of South Park in which the girls had their own language for girl-meetings. "If it pleases and sparkles, I'd like to suggest..." The Occupy Portlandia crew is only missing the throwing up of hands with an exclimation of "SUNSHINE!" when complete agreement is reached.

Me, I miss "Huzzah!"

I've always suspected that women and girls have their own secret languages and meetings. Why else do they all go to the bathroom together?

Occupy Here, Occupy There

Occupy Wall Street, Occupy Pittsburgh, Occupy Here, Occupy There -- it's all gotten so confusing that organizers have changed it to simply: Occupy Space. Which interestingly enough is what the protesters were doing before this all started.

In fact, the ability to exist in space may be the only requirement for this "movement". Certainly knowledge of the tax code isn't required. Logical thinking may even be a detriment.

via

English

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Texans are waiting.

"Entschuldigen Sie mich, Sie zu tun sprechen Deutsches?" he asks. The two Texans just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi pour vous faire parlent français?" The two continue to stare.

"parli italiano?" No response.

"¿los di usted habla español?" Still nothing.

So he has a final try: "Tatakalamaani bil arabiyya?"

The Swiss man drives off, extremely disgusted.

The first Texan turns to the second and says, "You know Bubba, maybe we should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew five and it didn't do him any good."


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My Girl Paula

Paula Deen has the right attitude. You can't eat junk food every day, but there's nothing wrong with a fatty/sugary/salty binge once in awhile. God put you here to live. I wonder if, like me, late at night, Paula sometimes stands in front of the refrigerator and eats a stick of butter. Anyway:

When Paula Deen met Michelle Obama, it wasn't exactly the queen of butter versus the first lady of garden greens. Deen, known for her delicious not-so-good-for-you recipes like Gooey Butter Cake, said the two women had more in common than you might expect.

"Well, I did a show with Michelle and I just loved being with her," Deen told Yeas & Nays. "She probably ate more than any other guest I've ever had on the show —she kept eating even during commercials."

I don't condemn her eating habits, I just ask her to quit condemning ours. (which are also her's)

BTW- not for nothing, I noticed Michelle has either lost a little weight or is wearing one of those brutal thigh shaping girdles.

The Words They Are a Changin'

Justin (a french name I think) Credible sent me this. I'm pretty sure they call it folk music:

Monday Cute

Barack Obama and George Soros Are

The Blues Brothers

Collin Rosenmarkle's Dad Couldn't be Reached for Comment

Collin Rosenmarkle of Burke, Va. , burns a $20 bill as protestors,
who are calling for an end to the Federal Reserve and are part of
the Occupy D.C. movement, demonstrate in front of the Federal
Reserve, in Washington, Sunday, Oct. 9, 2011.

Can't be for sure, but if he'd earned the twenty himself, ("you want fries with that?") I doubt he'd be so quick to burn it.

Lumberkid Climbed the Mountain

Image for illustration purposes only. Lumberkid's mountain may just possibly been
less steep; though I wouldn't be surprised if the summit was protected by
mountain goats with laser cannons and chainsaws. And bears. I'll bet there were bears.

Motivations

Just expanding on my theory of why people go to demonstrations. Especially demonstrations with no clear agenda. "Hey guys? This reporter wants to know if we've got a list of demands. Do we have a list of demands?"

Great Comment

The story is about dishonesty in the Occupy DC event. No surprise that an organizer paid a dozen or so Hispanics to march holding signs that they couldn't read. (probably it was the signs that got them busted)

But better than the story was the first comment by someone by the name of dallasyankee:

There go the Hispanics again, taking jobs americans wont do

Is this a great country or what?

I'll Just Post the Video

Because if you type the words out, I'm pretty sure the secret assassination panel will put add your name to the list.



"Let's all da-da da-da da-da-da" Yeah.

h/t: the Cube

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na

Batman!

Sorry I've not exactly been posting my fool head off. I've been wrapped up in this new protest. I call it Occupy Service Van, but it has lately been escalating to Occupy Customer's Location.

Did you see the CBS video of the protesters who didn't know why they were there? I know why they're there, and that's why I haven't yet started sending tazer batteries to the NYPD: They're mainly there to meet and impress members of the opposite sex. That's why the guys are there anyway. And that has always been the common denominator of civil disobedience. Trust me, I was young and foolish once as well.

Tax Them More?

Does he know that the US has one of the highest corporate tax rates in the world? And that there's a good case to be made for lowering corporate taxes, and eliminating the taxes on corporate profit made overseas? High taxes there just drive corporations to invest overseas profits overseas.

And I'm not sure of the break-down but a large chunk of corporate ownership belongs to the little guy; me, you, and our pension plans. Ah well, probably doesn't matter to this guy. All he knows is that the other guy's slice of pie looks bigger than his.

It's just silly, a lot of it. And it's foolish of the Democrats to identify with these guys. We've got 13 months until the election; who can keep their anger level this high for 13 months? Well, I did once but the phone company was involved.

And even if a few of them are still raging after a year, isn't there a pretty good chance that the rest of us will be fed up by then?

photo via

Keeping the Aisles Clear

via

RIP Steve Jobs

This was my first computer, the Classic model, something like 3 years after this was made. My brother introduced me to the Mac, and I still have it, and yes, it still runs.


It's got an external 80 MB (yes Megabyte) hard drive and no color. The internal HD is a 20 MB monster. I've kept it so as to be able to access my old invoices to the government. (and starting it up just now, it still had the correct date, though the time was a few hours off)

I expect Steve Jobs will be remembered as a Edison or Ford. Just an astounding output of work.

And even of you're a Windows person; you can thank Jobs for your graphical user interface and "windows". When the Mac came out with these features, Microsoft had to follow suit or be left behind. Thanks to Steve Jobs, Apple became insanely great, twice.

RIP Steve Jobs.

Whatever Happened to Code Pink?

Activists take part in a demonstration to protest

against corporate greed near the Capitol Building
in Washington, DC, on October 5, 2011.

I saw these familiar t-shirts and thought the Pinkists were at it again. Remember the bloody hands they shoved in Condi Rice's face? Well it stands to reason, with the same wars happening, plus another one as well, that they would be out protesting eventually. But as the caption points out, it's "war? eh, not so much" these days. Now it's corporate greed. The signs still mention war but they're probably left over from back in the days when Bushitler roamed the White House. (Obhitler just doesn't ring the same)

So now, depending on who you ask, it's: corporate greed, student loans, wall street, bankers, and somehow union interests. War, that's just sooo 2008.

photo and caption via Daylife