Obama Bans Knives and Forks

While his wife lobbies against condiments and Happy Meals, Obama has quietly banned knives and forks at his campaign events. Is eating tofu with our hands the progressive endgame?

I resent the advice from the First Nutritionist but her husband's silverware fears don't bother me. Why? Well the fork restrictions only apply to events where the President is speaking. I'm usually busy that day.

And think about it. No knives. No forks. That can only mean one thing: