Dart Time at the Zoo

"Oh man, not again"

I've been there. You feel a sharp pain in your shoulder, you see some colored lights, then you wake up with fresh dental work and the vague feeling that people have been poking you where they oughtn't have.

But the story the dart-picture came from is about how, despite being trained by well-meaning humans, the first panda bred in captivity and released into the wild lasted less than a year before being killed by real wild pandas. Maybe it wasn't "despite being trained" so much as "due to being trained" by the well-meaning humans.

The lesson they should be taking from this is that nature is more complex and subtle than can be appreciated by scientists sitting in a lab. "Sure, Panda interactions are complex but the rest of the natural world is simple. Global climate change? Piece of cake."

Adam Gadahn, Sheep Worrier

Busy Day

Sorry for the light blogging today, I've been busier than Rosie's spell checker this morning. Enjoy this image from the Wenling zoo, "just before the chicks turned and attacked."

Go Cindy, Go

Sheehan says: "I'm going home for awhile to try and be normal,"



"Try to be normal"? Ummm, good luck with that. And this, just as the world begins to see the monster emerging in Venezuela. Cindy, that guy you were thumbs-upping is doing to Venezuela what Castro did to Cuba. Yeah, go home and be whatever; just go home.

Cute to the Power of Two!

Why with music like this we could stop continental drift! Best part: the mention of styrofoam, which hasn't been made with CFCs for 15 years. Remember? The bad rap was that CFCs were destroying the stratospheric ozone layer. So they were drastically curtailed and it doesn't seem to have changed the "ozone hole" at all... Anyway, the styrofoam myth lives on, even though CFCs haven't been used to make it since before these two girls were born. Who needs facts when you've got commitment!
h/t Tim Blair

Things Get Serious in Venezuela

It's still ok to protest in the streets, so long as you protest against what the government tells you to. As you can see from the photo, things have gotten to the point where protesters must wear makeshift armor. "Make them feel slightly ridiculous as they beat you to the ground!" was this protester's rallying cry.

Memorial Day

I hope everyone found time to honor our veterans and remember the fallen this weekend. As for those who tried to use Memorial Day for political advantage: screw um. They're beneath contempt.

We did the usual BBQ thing. Friday, to kick start the weekend, I repaired a machine used in the manufacture of weapons. American weapons. Course, I do that probably twice a week, it's part of my job, but Friday it occurred to me to be proud to do it. Mainly though I was proud of the Marines who were exercising and goofing around nearby. I pray for them often. And have, ever since the day four years ago when they laid out chemical weapons suits to be checked and made ready. Bless them in your prayers. It doesn't have to be Memorial Day to do it.

Right = What?

Here's a story from Reuters concerning the problems Switzerland is experiencing due to immigration:

"Radical Islam is a huge foreign political factor," said Swiss culture and politics expert Jonathan Steinberg of the University of Pennsylvania.

OK, so same problem many other European countries face. But what struck me was on page two of the article:

Meanwhile organizers have threatened to cancel Switzerland's traditional national day celebration on August 1 due to threats by right-wing groups to disrupt the event.

Neo-Nazis have disrupted the ceremony in recent years and shouted down then-President Samuel Schmid in 2005.

And this week, police suspected arson in a fire that destroyed Geneva's largest synagogue, although they have not ruled out an accidental blaze.

Say what? Is it just sloppy writing (I know, I should talk) or does that passage equate the right-wing with neo-nazis? Sure, Europe is different, but Geert Wilders is right-wing, Pim Fortyun was, or Sarkozy, but not those guys in the brown shirts. Neo-nazis are mentally ill, any politics they have are incidental. They're not right, left, or center.

The rest of the article tiptoes around the "immigration problem" and doesn't credit the resurgence of the right-wing directly to the threat of radical Islam. But that's the reason, and that's what is responsible for the shift to the right all across Europe. Are they shifting fast enough to save themselves? I hope so.

Yup, Rosie's Gone Like a '59 Cadillac

I guess it's official, Rosie won't be coming back to "The View":

In her statement, O'Donnell said, "I'm extremely grateful. It's been an amazing year and I love all three women."

And on her Web site Thursday, O'Donnell wrote: "When painting there is a point u must step away from the canvas, stand at a distance and ask how the hell anyone could have made such a mess."

OK, I changed Rosie's quote just a little. Also, I couldn't find a flattering picture of Rosie so the image is of Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

Those Wayward Humpbacks

They're still trying to manipulate nature:

RIO VISTA, Calif. - Marine biologists said Thursday that they planned to spray fire hoses in a river near two lost, injured whales in the next attempt to coax the pair back toward salt water.

The method has never been tried before, and biologists don't know how the whales will respond Friday.......

The approach comes after attempts to lead them back to sea using the sounds of clanging pipes, feeding humpbacks and killer orcas failed.

Does any of this sound familar? That's right. These are the exact same tactics that Janet Reno used in Waco. Let's hope they work, because there's talk of Senator Kennedy driving a car at them if this fails.


Somehow, again, this appears to be the wrong graphic for this story. I apologize for the mixup.

Cambridge swears in nation's first transsexual mayor

Jenny Bailey, a 45-year-old Liberal Democrat became the civic leader of Cambridge City Council on Thursday.


Sorry, this doesn't seem to be the picture that accompanied the story. The fault is possibly mine.

Pushing the Limit

Michael Jackson and his latest plastic surgeon, Dr. Christoph Sensen, showed off Michael's "new" look yesterday. "I think we've pretty much pushed the limit as far as skin lightening goes," remarked Dr. Sensen, "any more and Michael will have to wear a bell so people will know he's in the room."

Bob Kerrey, the good one

Finally, a Democrat that gets it, and he's no longer in the Senate, darnit. And OK, he's not the only Democrat with a clue but there's darn few of them. Bob Kerrey on Iraq, read it all, but the gist is:

We must not allow terrorist sanctuaries to develop any place on earth. Whether these fighters are finding refuge in Syria, Iran, Pakistan or elsewhere, we cannot afford diplomatic or political excuses to prevent us from using military force to eliminate them.

Rosie Go Boom

Allah over at Hot Air has got that video of Rosie blowing up. It's fun stuff:

With Rosie on her way out I guess there’s no reason for them to pretend they’re friends anymore. Here she is at her disingenuous worst, playing the “big, fat, lesbian” victim while deliberately twisting Hasselbeck’s point about the enemy in Iraq — namely, Al Qaeda — to accuse her of treating Iraqi civilians as the enemy.

The "big fat lesbian" thing is Rosie's term. She says that's what the right wing cable shows call her whenever she has an argument with "Christian Elisabeth". Oh, grow up Rosie. It's not your size or sexual orientation that grates; it's what's in your head.

So now some are speculating that Rosie will quit the show early. This picture would tend to refute that:


This guy is still standing by on the rigging they use to get Rosie's ass into the studio.

Internet Advice

The internet is great for getting advice. Problem is, there's too much of it. For the past half hour I've been searching information on chiggers. There are people who swear the following works every time:

*Scratch like hell, and pour on some bleech, then disinfect with some antibiotic soap, and cover bites w/ vasoline.

*eat a teaspoon of pharmacy grade sulphur with a tablespoon of molasses.

*malt liquor and finger nail polish

*make a paste of salt and rub in the chigger bite

*Take your finger nail and make an X right in the middle of your bite.

*always rub pine sol over chigger bites

*Only use straight VINEGAR

*We have found that if you put icy hot on the chigger bites it will help the itching and smother the chiggers, but make sure you do not get the icy hot around your personal areas, it will burn very badly

*whenever someone gets them i always tell them to use finger nail polish

*i have found that hemmoriod cream works

*I have found that betadine or witch hazel work great

*mother use to put turpentine on them. I’ve tried tea tree oil.

* Rub a bit of Vicks Vapo-rub on the chigger bite

*Old Spice original scent stick deoderant

*asorbine jr.for itchy feet stoped the itching instantly…

*I use regular Ban Roll On. It also helps the itch from poison ivy.

*Baths for 1 hour in bubbble bath and 1/4 cup of peanut oil added every 20 miutes to keep mites from climbing back on you...

And most carry the warning, "This will burn like hell for about 5 minutes but..."

You get the idea, though. It pretty much boils down to: scratch the chigger bite with anything you find in the tool box, then apply pretty much anything you find in the kitchen, medicine cabinet, laundry room, or pool supply store. Then bathe in a solution of half water - half random chemicals. Then cut off the affected limb, apply a tourniquet, and problem solved.

We've Stopped Growing

From der Spiegel, an opportunity to to America bash:

For years, researchers have been wondering why Americans stopped growing. US citizens were among the tallest in the world up until World War II. But since then, heights have stagnated while Europeans have been getting taller and taller, with the average American now between two and six centimeters shorter....

..."We surmise that the health systems and high degree of social security in Europe provide better conditions for growth than the American health system, despite the fact that the system costs twice as much," said study co-author John Komlos

But at the very end of the article they admit that class differences don't explain the phenomenon:

Still, quite a bit more needs to be done to determine the relationship between social standards and height, says Komlos. "In short," he said, "the richest are neither the tallest nor the healthiest. Why that is so must be explained."

So at the end of the article they admit there was no reason for their speculation that the US is starving it's poor.

The factor Herr Komlos overlooked is the fact that in America we are weighted down by large amounts of gold. If we weren't burdened with all this gold we'd be as tall as our glorious smokestacks.

It Takes a Village Policeman

You've probably seen this one:

BERLIN (Reuters) - A nine-year-old German girl was so upset about having to tidy her room she put up a sign in her window urging passers-by to call police for help.

Pedestrians in the central city of Braunschweig saw the girl crying in the window, holding up a sign up saying "Help! Please call the police!" Next to her sat a small boy. Quickly alerted, officers rushed to the scene to discover the girl had argued with her mother about tidying her room and enlisted her two-year-old brother's aid to attract attention.

I think it says a lot that the police agreed with the mom and said that, yes, you should clean up this room. Somehow I can see Social Services getting involved were this to happen in the US. The mom would have to take a class on children's rights. The child would get trauma counseling. The room wouldn't get cleaned.

The Hydrologic Cycle

Strange to think that Wilber Mills' floozie being chased into the tidal basin could have been the straw that broke the camel's back and started global warming. Or, maybe it was the splashing of Kennedy cars that started it. Regardless, I'm going to drink water from time to time, just to keep it out of the envirocatastrosphere.

Discipline

(Also known as biting day)

(click to enbiggen)

Numbers

I've seen this argument with slightly different numbers:

Water vapour was responsible for 95 per cent of the greenhouse effect, an effect which was vital to keep the world warm, he [meteorologist Augie Auer] explained.

"If we didn't have the greenhouse effect the planet would be at minus 18 deg C but because we do have the greenhouse effect it is plus 15 deg C, all the time."

The other greenhouse gases: carbon dioxide, methane, nitrogen dioxide, and various others including CFCs, contributed only five per cent of the effect, carbon dioxide being by far the greatest contributor at 3.6 per cent.

However, carbon dioxide as a result of man's activities was only 3.2 per cent of that, hence only 0.12 per cent of the greenhouse gases in total. Human-related methane, nitrogen dioxide and CFCs etc made similarly minuscule contributions to the effect: 0.066, 0.047 and 0.046 per cent respectively.

"That ought to be the end of the argument, there and then," he said

You would think so. And even if water vapor is 80%, it still dwarfs CO2. Maybe we're lucky though. If the blame shifts to water vapor, the zealots may start trying to restrict our water use.

Meathead

Memorial Day

Well John Edwards is still planning his Memorial Day "actions". The idea is to send him money, buy his t-shirts, and hold "support the troops - bring them home" rallies. Which are really John Edwards rallies. You would have expected him to call it off when it was pointed out that using Memorial Day for political advantage was in poor taste. I suspect they know it's tacky but they don't much care. They have tacked this on at the end of the announcements though:

And remember on Memorial Day, (Monday May 28th) the most important action we can take is to solemnly honor the fallen and offer our appreciation for their sacrifice.

It's like a legal disclaimer. Stick it in at the bottom so you can point to it when people (rightly) accuse you of disrespecting Memorial Day and the heroes it honors.

What is He Saying?

"I try to travel commercial as much as I can."

I wonder if he has thought this through. Because "as much as I can" pretty much means all the time. You can always fly commercial, really, you can. I've done it.

Grumpy Old Man

Tomatoes fail as prostate cancer preventive

The article is here. And I'll tell you what, I'm pretty disappointed with the doctors who led us to believe that they could prevent prostate cancer. When I think of the expense, not to mention the mess, involved in applying them every day over the last year...

Price of Skepticism Going Up

They're getting desperate. In an effort to get more converts, the Global Warmists are bidding up the numbers:

Some experts think global warming will cause temperatures in Kansas to rise an average of 5 to 12 degrees in the next several decades.

So instead of several degrees in the next century, now we're looking at a rise of 25 to 60 degrees. (according to some experts) This report was done by Patty Glick of the National Wildlife Federation, and it also claims the Kansas state flower (the sunflower) could move north to other states in a few decades. Funny thing, in all my years, many of them sober, I have never known a sunflower to move.


But if they do move, maybe these guys will be moving in to take their place. Where are these guys now? Mexico City.



But look, I'm not going to argue with the National Wildlife Federation's expert. If she's right, I won't even have to put on a sweater on the coldest day of winter. Plus, I'll be able to cook by hanging meat out the window on a stick. So I'm going to back Patty on this. After all, she's got a BA in economics from Sweet Briar College in Virginia. Economics! That's right next to the science building. Why, they're practically the same thing.

Thing is, now the Sierra Club will have to come out with even more dire numbers. Instead of 5 to 12 degrees in several decades, it will be 7 to 14 within a year. And it's going to keep going up until you believe it!

***Update:


Patty: Peru!

Wacky Kids

Boing

I've said before that I like BoingBoing, despite it's left-of-Stalin viewpoint on a lot of things. Like this:

Well, the Shrub has finally admitted that global warming exists. He had to, after a study commissioned by his own government said, basically, "Duh, yes, stop being an idiot." However, the same report contains such howlers as:
"Health impacts ... can be ameliorated through such measures as the increased availability of air conditioning."
CO2 junkies in denial are so sad.

Well, yes they are, when you think that barely a month goes by without a link to really cool fire belching, shooting, enveloping stuff on BoingBoing. This was at the top of the page when I checked today:


And really, it's cool. Nice looking machine, and hey, I'm a guy; I like fire. But I don't wag my finger at you telling you to burn less carbon. Google BoingBoing for "propane" or "fire" to see lots of cool stuff:


But my favorite is probably this one:


"I heated my pool from 68F to 89.4F in 48 hours using 3.5 tanks of propane."
BoingBoing can talk the talk, but can't seem to walk the walk without stopping every other step to set a Tickle Me Elmo doll on fire. (which is also very cool)

Puzzler

Marilyn Manson says he was devastated over the breakup of his marriage to model and burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese.

Question: How will we know if he starts acting-out?

Some Things Will Always Be Funny

Senator Kennedy still cracks them up with variations of the water-under-the-bridge joke.

The Price We Pay

Stranded on an iceberg for weeks, this polar elephant had weakened considerably and could not be saved. Increasingly, polar elephants are having to venture further south in search of favorable hunting conditions. And still the Monkeyhitler Global Deniers insist there's no problem!

Phobia-Phobia Bo-Bobia Banana-fanana Mo-Mobia..

The amazing James Taranto pointed out this breaking Islamophobia news:

Speaking at a special brainstorming session on the sidelines of the 34th Islamic Conference of Foreign Ministers (ICFM), the foreign ministers termed Islamophobia the worst form of terrorism and called for practical steps to counter it.

Brainstorming, right. OK, lets see, practical steps to counter Islamophobia, hmmm, we could have an Islamic Mickey Mouse. Big cuddly mouse, sure. And he could cut off the heads of the infidels. No? Oh, I know, how about an Islamic Big Bird? Big fuzzy, sweet, adorable, bird. With a scimitar, to cut off the heads of Jewish reporters.

No? (Can't you just hear IslamoBird asking the doctor, "Shapiro? What kind of name is Shapiro?") OK, if cartoon characters wouldn't work to calm the infidels, how about, and I know this is crazy, I'll just throw it out for consideration: how about not blowing up innocents in the name of Allah? How about not celebrating the blowing up of innocents?

Deja Vu

I'll tell you what, it was a shock to find an image from my most frequent nightmare on Drudge.

Gore's Writes Fiction

From Al Smokestack Gore's book:

"Why do reason, logic and truth seem to play a sharply diminished role in the way America now makes important decisions?" The persistent and sustained reliance on falsehoods as the basis of policy, even in the face of massive and well-understood evidence to the contrary, seems to many Americans to have reached levels that were previously unimaginable....

....It is too easy—and too partisan—to simply place the blame on the policies of President George W. Bush. We are all responsible for the decisions our country makes. We have a Congress. We have an independent judiciary. We have checks and balances. We are a nation of laws. We have free speech. We have a free press. Have they all failed us?

Right. Too easy and too partisan, but you just did it, Al. And as for free speech, I'll remind you:

"Iraq's search for weapons of mass destruction has proven impossible to deter and we should assume that it will continue for as long as Saddam is in power."
Al Gore, Sept. 23, 2002

"We know that he has stored secret supplies of biological and chemical weapons throughout his country."
Al Gore, Sept. 23, 2002.

Democrats Getting More Dates?

From The Hill, an article claiming that Democrats are getting more dates since coming to power:

As one Democratic campaign strategist remarked, “Taking back the majority certainly has its perks. With the shift in power has come a shift in social standing for once-shunned Democratic operatives. It seems everyone from lowly interns to nerdy policy wonks have a full dance card so long as they have a ‘D’ behind their name.”

OK, I call Shenanigans. Guys will tell women that they're race car drivers, CIA operatives, and brain surgeons (and sometimes all three) if it's in the interest of romantic advancement. You think we wouldn't lie about party affiliation?

The thing is, it's still probably an advantage to identify yourself as a Republican. The urban night is sometimes fraught with danger, and a girl wants to be escorted by someone who isn't going to try to figure out "what we did to make the mugger angry at us."

Hard to Imagine

Pelosi Guts House Rules


In a stunning move, House Democrats today revealed they will attempt to rewrite House rules that have gone unchanged since 1822 in order to make it possible to increase taxes and government spending without having to vote and be held accountable. House Republican Leader John Boehner (R-OH) today vowed Republicans will use every available means to fight this unprecedented change.

***Update: Never Mind. It seems she backed down already.

Ron Paul

It's hard to fault John Podhoretz on his analysis:

Ron Paul Should be Disinvited from the Next Debate! Plus he should be expelled from the Republican Party! Plus he should have his medical license revoked!

Paul said, “I’m suggesting we listen to the people who attacked us and the reason they did it." Somehow that doesn't sound any better coming from a conservative than it does coming from the Diane Rehm show.

Paris Hilton 'Distraught' Over Jail Time

This just in: Paris Hilton 'Distraught' Over Jail Time
As opposed to everyone else who goes to jail, most of whom think it's 'really cool'.

Other News

I have a question. Are Simpson characters based on real people, or are some real people based on Simpson characters?

(and don't worry about me hurting Mr Spector's feelings; he quit reading this blog when we came out in favor of laws against bestiality)

Antartica is Melting!

Was melting in 2005, that is. Then refreezing. And it hasn't happened since. And it might be something that happens all the time. But what the hell, the headline is too good to pass up: California-Sized Area of Ice Melts in Antarctica. Sheesh.

Makes it sound like all the snow melted doesn't it? No, it was just a surface layer that melted to some unspecified depth, then refroze. So what does that mean? Probably nothing. Still, good headline. One more log on the fire of hysteria, dutifully thrown into the pile by the true believers. Meanwhile, though there can be no more debate, though only climate fools in the pay of the big oil companies would argue, some scientists are rethinking the whole man-made global warming thing.

I wonder how many of the Global Warmists remember Y2K. Remember Y2K? The sun was going to stop shining, ATMs were going to explode, and our coffee makers were going to attack us. Every story warned of dire consequences, and then... nothing. Y2K came and went and planes didn't fall from the sky. International currency markets didn't collapse. We weren't reduced to marauding tribes, subsisting on roots and family pets. Y2K scared us because it was the unknown. Who knows what might happen? So we had articles speculating on how bad it could get. Same as now.

Paris Hilton Unable to Testify

They say Paris Hilton "cannot effectively respond to examination as a witness or provide any significant input into her defense," because she inadvertently superglued her cellphone to her hand. "Then," she said, "I put my index finger to my chin in order to think of what to do next, and that got stuck to my face."

"You'd be surprised how often she does this," said her 'assistant in charge of super glue accidents', who spoke on condition of anonymity. "I'm also in charge of clean up when she parks the car in the swimming pool but that only happens once a week or so."

Missing Soldiers

All thoughts this morning are for our missing soldiers.
From Chron.com:

About 4,000 U.S. troops backed by aircraft, intelligence units and Iraqi forces have been scouring the farming area around Mahmoudiya and the nearby town of Youssifiyah for three days, as the military promised to make every effort available to find the missing soldiers.

On Monday, U.S. military spokesman Maj. Gen. William B. Caldwell, IV said: "At this time, we believe they (the three soldiers) were abducted by terrorists belonging to al Qaida or an affiliated group, and this assessment is based on highly credible intelligence information."

An Obama Nap

OK, so some were sleeping during the Obama event. None of the democrats inspire a desire for wakefulness. Anyway, just coming from church, I'm reminded that some people do their best sleeping in these situations. The very best of them can sleep while keeping an expression of deep concentration on their face. Like, "I'm just closing my eyes to better reflect on the excellent points the speaker is making." They're the ones who are especially embarrassed when an errant snore escapes. Ever done that? Fallen asleep only to be jolted awake by a half snore and you're not even sure if it was from you? In that situation it's best to shoot a dirty look at some nearby audience member - then pray that you don't do it again.

Church was great by the way. A beautiful little girl in a communion dress put the crown of flowers on Mary's head. Every year, they're just so precious in their white lace; course, they all look like shrimp boat captains compared to the lumberkid, who, I'm just being honest here, was the most darling Mary crowner that ever was.

Farfur

Seen this: "Defiant Hamas TV airs resistance Mickey again"?
Oh no, what will we do? Hamas is showing the world that they're idiots and there's nothing we can do about it. The icing on the cake is that they are unaware that this kind of child abuse reflects badly upon them. This, marching their children through the streets dressed as suicide bombers, sending their children to schools where the answer to every question is "kill the jews" or "kill the infidels," it all adds up to a civilization that is really just a gathering of cavemen in a cult of hate. Oh no, Hamas, please don't show more of this.

Motivational Poster for the Week End

Chili Peppers Make Me Misfire

So that's what the problem is:

DENVER - Attention, iPod users: Your music might be breaking Grandpa's heart - and not just because he doesn't care for the lyrics.

A study of 83 volunteers with pacemakers found the music devices interfered with the pacemakers nearly 30 percent of the time.

The results of the study, conducted by Michigan high school student Jay Thayer and Dr. Krit Jongnarangsin, a University of Michigan cardiologist, were presented Thursday at the Heart Rhythm Society meeting in Denver. The society is a professional group focusing on irregular heart rhythm.

In most cases, the iPod interference caused pacemakers to misread the heart's pacing. In one, the pacemaker stopped altogether.

Cause for concern? Maybe not. Further on they explain the methodology:

"We set the headphones on their shoulders so we didn't blow out their eardrums," he said, and then turned up the Frank Sinatra tunes....

Frank Sinatra? There's your problem right there. All electronics in the area were sent into sleep mode.

Londonistan

Hitch, read it all:

It's impossible to exaggerate how far and how fast this situation has deteriorated. Even at the time of the Satanic Verses affair, as long ago as 1989, Muslim demonstrations may have demanded Rushdie's death, but they did so, if you like, peacefully. And they confined their lurid rhetorical attacks to Muslims who had become apostate. But at least since the time of the Danish-cartoon furor, threats have been made against non-Muslims as well as ex-Muslims (see photograph), the killing of Shiite Muslim heretics has been applauded and justified, and the general resort to indiscriminate violence has been rationalized in the name of god. Traditional Islamic law says that Muslims who live in non-Muslim societies must obey the law of the majority. But this does not restrain those who now believe that they can proselytize Islam by force, and need not obey kuffar law in the meantime. I find myself haunted by a challenge that was offered on the BBC by a Muslim activist named Anjem Choudary: a man who has praised the 9/11 murders as "magnificent" and proclaimed that "Britain belongs to Allah." When asked if he might prefer to move to a country which practices Shari'a, he replied: "Who says you own Britain anyway?" A question that will have to be answered one way or another.

I Get Mail

From Mike De Noma:

Attention,I request with due regards to you, a discreet business relationship. Am a freelance,independent investment broker based here in Britain.I was consulted by a (Now late) erstwhile top-ranking member of a frontline liberation movement in Angola,whose organization had engaged the Angolan government in a protracted civil war since 1975.My Late client who wished to channel $18.5million into productive ventures instead of war died under Political Detention and based on my initial understading with him ,I now look to make this investment discreetly under discretionary asset management arrangement for his immediate family(His Wife and 2 Daughters).I would be expecting your response bearing your contact details in order that we may discuss further....

Ah Mike, so you're asking a lumberjack for investment advice. Seems like a prudent way to manage your Late client's assets. OK, well for free, here's my advice: more cowbell.

Weird Man

Funny, Bob is now Mr. Jones:

Los Angeles, CA (BANG) - Bob Dylan reportedly scared the children at his grandson's kindergarten after treating the class to a live show.

The "It Ain't Me Babe" singer has allegedly been dubbed the "weird man" by children in the class, in the Los Angeles suburb Calabas, where his son Jakob Dylan's child attends.

A source told the New York Post newspaper: "The kids have been coming home and telling their parents about the weird man who keeps coming to class to sing scary songs on his guitar.

False Alarm

It's OK, it's not a fire. It's just Sheryl Crow, Laurie David, and Al Gore all happened to be in LA at the same time. "We weren't prepared for that many busses, private planes, and limos all running at once. It's all right though, they've bought offsets."

International Incident

See for yourself:



Seems a little tame.

White-Tie

Did you notice the push to make the president a buffoon on the occasion of the Queen's visit? "Gasp! He misspoke a date! Oh no, the Queen will think we're rubes."
And I heard on the radio that the president will have to learn to do a white-tie dinner, this being his first one and all. "He'll even have to learn which silverware to use with which food," Sure he will:


That's the prez in 2003, white-tying with the Queen. According to the Mail & Guardian: "The dinner is the first -- and maybe the only -- white-tie event of the Bush administration. Even Clinton had only three." Even Clinton? Even? Wasn't Bill Clinton the president who had a thing for Big Macs? Course, in Bill Clinton, a taste for simple food showed that he was one of us. In George Bush, a taste for simple food shows that he's a yokel.

Anyway, about learning the silverware: you think the president is tasked with setting the table? Unless it's changed, the silverware will laid out in order. And when the Newtons are brought out, the Fig Newton fork will be the one on the outside.... pretty simple. Anyway, the lumberjack perspective on silverware is that anything beyond the basic three pieces (spoon, big spoon, and really big spoon) is pretense. Here's a quiz... spot the salad forks:

Haha, trick quiz: the salad forks are all in his back.

Assigning Blame

When things go wrong, job one is finding the right person to blame. Yes, Paris, "publicist" is one answer. Another one might be "lawyer". Course, today we hear that she's hired her publicist back, so she has another chance to get the blame thing right. I understand her cook is sweating bullets, and her gardner is sooooo thankful he doesn't speak English.