Non-riots are breaking out everywhere as this photo of Jessica Biel confirms. Earlier reports that "she looks like she's getting ready to throw her purse," have proved to be false. In fact, I had to study the evidence for several minutes before I could even find the purse. Look closely, it's really there.
All seems quiet in my area. In a chance meeting with local law enforcement I learned three things:
1) There have been no reports of burning mosques.
2) Only an idiot would riot because of cartoons.
3) The light had changed from yellow to red before I entered the intersection.