In a symbolic gesture, I cooked anti-Democratic Convention tonight. I'm sure you've read about their happy-healthy-holistic-ultra-green convention. Why, it will be so pure and wonderful, we probably won't need a president once it's done - everything will be fixed and butterflies will fill the skies.
DENVER — Warning to Southern delegates to the 2008 Democratic National Convention in Denver this August: it will be a no-fry zone.
As part of the effort to make the August 25-28 convention the greenest ever, the Democrats' guidelines for food catering include one that strikes at the heart of Southern cuisine: no fried food.
No fried chicken. No fried catfish. No fried green tomatoes. No fried okra. No fried anything.
In promoting healthy eating habits, the Democratic guidelines say every meal should be nutritious and include "at least three of the following colors: red, green, yellow, purple/blue and white."
Yeah? Well take this, DNC. This is the Spam I got a month or so back, when the news media was offering it as a cure for poverty. There's more salt there than I've used on my driveway in the last six winters. Take that Howard Dean.
By the way, the yellow mixed in with the Spam is crushed pineapple. And of course you can see the vegetables, including, just to fancy it up, little tiny ears of corn. They're there mainly to throw, to get my wife's attention as I fall to the ground, clutching my chest. Mmmmm salt. It was darned good.
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